The Best Picture nominations are strong this year, but they could be vastly improved with one slight change
Whiplash has suspense, The Theory of Everything has heartfelt emotion and Boyhood had a gimmick pretentious enough to warrant a nod was an incredible feat of directing. However, there’s a large, Irish athlete-shaped void in all the Academy Award nominated movies this year, and we decided to fill it.
So without further adieu, here’s what the 2015 Oscars would have looked like if every film centred around an Irish sports personality.
Royhood
An extraordinary, important and moving tale filmed in real time as Roy Keane goes from the angry, hot-tempered Roy of Saipan to the Roy he is today, who’s marginally less angry about Saipan but who’s angry about a fair bit of other stuff instead. The moment where a man’s phone goes off during a press conference is an acting tour de force to rival De Niro’s ‘are you talking to me?’ scene from Taxi Driver. If you see one film this year make it Royhood.
The Theory of Everything
The amazing story of the man who knows absolutely everything there is to know about Ireland’s national games. The pundit breaks down every single flaw he sees in the GAA and offers his solutions to fix them for the duration of the 123 minute running time. An absolute thrill-ride from start to finish. Edge of your seat stuff.
American Striker
The incredible true story of an Irish striker who, over the course of four tours of the war zone that is the MLS, transformed into the league’s most lethal sharpshooter. This hard-hitting, emotional drama recounts how the Unidentified Fan, struck up a partnership with infamous LA Galaxy battalion member David Beckham and eventually earned himself the Medal of Honour of North American soccer, the coveted MVP award.
The Grand Bodapest Hotel
The adventures of Brian G. O’Driscoll, a legendary concierge at a famous rugby-themed hotel in the fictional Republic of Blackrock between the first and second World Cups. He meets Zebo, a plucky, young lobby boy who becomes his most trusted friend.
Whipnash
A maverick goalkeeper develops a new way of taking penalties which puts the fear of God into the demagogue leaders of the GAA. He strives to achieves greatness while the omnipotent masters crack the whip and try to outlaw his unorthodox sliotar striking technique.
Seldom
A chronicle of Shane Long’s epic campaign find goal-scoring form at Southampton. The forward embarks on a long, arduous journey to find the net after a string of spectacular near-misses leave supporters hopeful that their £12 million man will come good eventually.
The Intimidation Game
After joining the UFC, Conor McGregor tries to develop a method for mentally breaking down every featherweight in the promotion. The Irish MMA superstar begins utlising his trash-talking prowess to eliminate the division one-by-one and try to claim that coveted UFC belt.
Birrman Or (The Unexpected Virtue of Pulling On Lads)
The biopic of Offaly and Birr hurling legend, Brian Whelehan. The four time All-Star attempts an unprecedented return to the national game in his forties after he discovers that he possesses superhero-like powers akin to that of the main character in another movie with a similar name.
