1. We’ve got Paulie!
Wait, you want more?
2. It’s in the northern hemisphere…
Ireland’s win over Australia in 2011 was their first over a Sanzar giant in the southern hemisphere since 1979, so we’re probably better off up here.
3. …so we won’t be short of fans.
London and Cardiff are a short hop for fans here, while the thousands of Irish living cross-channel are sure to get behind us.
4. Cian Healy has never been fresher
After four months on the sidelines, we reckon Healy is gonna hit the tournament like a caged animal.
5. Joe Schmidt is saving all the good stuff
Ireland kept their cards close to their chests in the warm-ups, but the man behind Ireland’s best run since the dawn of professionalism has surely got some tricks up his sleeve.
6. England, Wales and Australia will be softened up by a gruelling pool
One of those teams will miss out altogether, while Fiji will also be looking to take a scalp along the way.
7. The Springboks are practically geriatric
From 38-year-old lock Victor Matfield to 32-year-old Bryan Habana, there’s no way South Africa’s Dad’s Army can get through the six-week slog to World Cup glory.
8. Hosts England are sure to bottle it
In contrast, 14 of England’s squad are 25 or under, with the weight of a nation on their shoulders… and
9. …their key man, George Ford, looks about 14
Lotta pressure, George. Lotta pressure. Mostly from…
10. The English media hype machine.
Yep, they’ve no chance.
11. Wales won’t have any players left
They’ve already lost Halfpenny, Webb, and Walker, while several others are carrying injuries into the tournament. If we end up meeting them, by that stage they’ll barely be able to field a fit XV.
12. The Millennium Stadium is practically a second home for Ireland’s players…
We’ve won six of nine internationals there while both of Munster’s Heineken Cups, as well as Leinster first European title, were earned in Cardiff, site of our pool match against France and our potential quarter-final.
13. … while the All Blacks are haunted by Cardiff demons.
Things didn’t go so well there in 2007.
14. Everyone else wasted a spot on a third scrum-half
Always thinking, is our Joe. While most other sides burned a squad place on a third No.9, Schmidt gambled on bringing an extra outside back. Sure Isaac Boss and Kieran Marmion are only a ferry away if we need them.
15. We don’t have any midweek games
Not sure how we keep doing it, but another World Cup without the inconvenience of a midweek clash for our boys.
16. We’re on the right side of the draw
Beat France and we won’t face New Zealand until the final.
17. We haven’t won it yet, sure we’re due!
Of all the arguments listed here, this is the one I find most compelling.
18. The All Blacks and Wallabies have one eye on their giant French pay cheques
Dan Carter, Ma’a Nonu, Conrad Smith, Waisake Naholo, Colin Slade. Adam Ashley-Cooper, Sekope Kepu and Will Genia. All already counting their euro.
19. Iain Henderson is going to run wild
Beast.
20. Sean O’Brien can clear two men out of rucks
Double beast
21. Our rolling mauls are practically unstoppable
Well they are.
22. We’ve got wicked GAA skills
So good the English have been going to great lengths to combat them.
23. New Zealand left their Fijian medicine man behind
Why would you not bring along the man who miraculously cured wing Waisake Naholo of a broken leg in time for the tournament?
24. We’ve beaten the Romanians at a World Cup before
25. The Kearneys have been drinking their milk
26. Johnny Sexton has already taken the best French rugby can throw at him
He’s stronger for those two years at Racing.
27. Conor McGregor is backing the boys
My pleasure brother! Take no prisoners out there boys!! @jamieheaslip @ProperChurch @IrishRugby
— Conor McGregor (@TheNotoriousMMA) September 14, 2015
28. Italy are all beard, no bite
29. They’re going to do it for Rala
Whatever about the retirement of Paul O’Connell, it’s only right that kitman Rala goes out on a high.
30. Wayne Barnes isn’t reffing any of our pool games
Praise be to Nigel Owens.
31. Robbie Henshaw is a demon in defence
32. Murray and Sexton are the world’s best half-back combo
And no matter how many All Blacks you throw at us we’re not changing our minds.
33. We have strength in depth
The 2014 Irish Player of the Year didn’t even make our squad.
34. No shortage of big-game experience
Twenty of this Irish squad have played in a European Cup final, with a total of 32 winners medals amongst them. Eleven of the 31 have been on at least one Lions tour, with eight of those appearing in a grand total of 28 Test matches.
35. We’re everyone’s second favourite team
YES. We are.
36. They haven’t banned the choke tackle… yet
We perfected the tactic and we’re still the best at it.
37. Peter O’Mahony is a legend in the making
Nobody does the furious grab of an opponent’s jersey better.
38. We’ve got BOD’s blessing
O’Driscoll has already tipped us to win the pool, so that’s in the bag.
39. We’ve imported some Kiwi know-how
Jared Payne and Nathan White just smell of success.
40. Les Kiss is so enthusiastic he’ll make you believe anything
41. Canada are best at producing lumberjacks and character comedians
Mike Myers, we see you. Jamie Cudmore and company, not so much.
42. Video analyst Mervyn Murphy is Ireland’s answer to Martin Scorsese
43. We’re back-to-back Six Nations champions
In case anyone forgot.
44. The Rugby World Cup 2015 is so crazy that it just might happen!
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