If you’ve never recognised these people, you might just be these people.
Sure isn’t the GAA great?
We all stick together, we have a few class games, and we do it all for free, you know?
On the surface, at least, it’s fine. When you’re involved in it a little more, you’ll soon learn just how annoying some of your best friends really are.
Here are the worst of them.
1. The asshole who runs from behind you and kicks your penalty
You’re mucking around before training, it’s your turn. The ‘keeper accepts that, everybody else does. You put the ball on the spot and you take your steps back. You’re ready.
Then that wee gobshite comes sprinting in front of you to boot your ball and run away laughing. You might never get another turn.
2. The boy who tells you to shut up during the stretching
How could you possibly stretch if you’re talking?
3. The calf stretcher
You know the one. Any sign of hard work, any sniff of sprints or tackle drills or anything like that, he’s over at the fence with his head down pushing against it to give the calf a good stretch.
All he’s doing is making the rest of you go even more frequently.
4. The one looking for tape
Go away, Your wrists look fine.
5. The young lad who takes your seat in the changing room
Who does he think he is? That’s your spot.
6. The guy who absolutely sprints his way through a warm-up
If that’s your 50 per cent, I can’t wait to see your 100 per cent.
7. The one who lumps a hoof at the posts every time there’s a hint of a break in training
He’ll even do it at the back of a drill. But he won’t go and retrieve the ball. Christ no, it’ll be the poor selector away running after the ball he’s just ballooned over the catchers.
8. The sub who actually uses the half time break to warm-up
What the…
This might be the only chance you get to enjoy yourself. You have a crowd to entertain with a half time show and you have drop kicks and penalties to experiment with. Why the hell would you be warming up?
9. The hero who calls for the ball every single time
If he’s 80 yards away with two men hanging off him, he’ll be screaming for a pass to the point his voice is breaking.
If he’s behind you, he’ll want it.
Most annoyingly, he’ll sprint right over to you to a point you could actually hand him the ball and he’ll demand it off you.
10. The one who says he was doing chest day today
Just his luck that you would be doing a pile of press-ups at training on the same day he was lifting loads on the bench press.
11. The guy who’s asked to take the warm down and turns into a drill sergeant
Get ready for a few more brisk paces of the pitch. He’s going to demand that you stay in line, that you stop talking and that you run faster. For the warm down.
You’ll go back and forward, you’ll do lunges, twists, and then you’ll stretch every single muscle and joint that he can think off.
Whilst you’re all going through that hell and you’re told to be quiet as you do so, one of you will have skived off to the fence to stretch the calf and another will be kicking more balls at the posts for the selector to chase after again.
12. The animals who just don’t get water bottle etiquette
They come in three forms:
- They stick their lips and tongue all over it instead of going with the squirt (this is not an innuendo).
- They spit it out straight after they take a swig (this is not an innuendo).
- They leave the lid open so it spills all over you when you go to take a squirt (this is definitely not an innuendo).
Water is precious. Be safe with it.
