This time of year is a nicer way of life.
It’s nicer when you get off the bloody training field and away from the miles and miles of sprints.
A pre-season game is music to your ears. You can run when you want to, nobody’s taking it too seriously, and even the lad you know will never make the team is playing well.
Sure it’s just about the game time, isn’t it? That means your chat with your maker is a lot different to what it might be in September. Here are a few things you’ve probably found yourself saying around March time.
1. How ye going this year?
No shouldering, no pushing or sledging at the start of the game – just small talk.
2. Do ye have many missing today?
Stupid question. His team is losing so, no matter what, he’s going to tell you, ‘most of the first team aren’t here’. Between stag dos and injuries, they’re very light today. Number 11 might get on at wing back. Number 8 would usually play alright. 13 is only an under-16 and, of course, he would usually play himself. Apart from that, you’re playing a nothing team. Or so he’s telling you anyway.
3. We can’t get the f**king young boys out.
Tell me about it. Boys just don’t want to play anymore.
4. Who do you have in the championship?
Ah, you should beat them.
5. Your pitch is in great shape.
Considering the weather, like. You want to see the state of our place. We’re not even allowed to train on it until May.
6. You doing much training?
Jesus, don’t talk. 6am gym sessions – place has gone mad.
7. Is that you or me that’s stinking of beer?
Time for a gentleman’s agreement: if you let me score a few points, I’ll let you bomb up the field as much as you want.
8. Have you played Wolfe Tones yet? They’re hateful b*st*rds up at their pitch.
This will follow with a trading of stories of broken jaws and abandoned games.
9. What ever happened to that lad Emmett that used to play for you?
The drink found him.
10. I hope you’re not looking to do too much running.
Jesus, I’ll be doing well to last the half, sir.
11. Do you have any boys in the county panel?
This will probably lead to a chat somewhere along the lines of: the fixtures are a joke.
12. Jesus, that’s some score boys.
You’re allowed to appreciate the other team in March. That will change in summer to, ‘you try that again and you’ll know all about it.’
13. No idea what he’s giving that for, he’s being kind to us there.
You can both agree the referee is shit at this time of year. Later in the season you’ll be arguing that the punch in the face wasn’t a foul and it will lead to the pair of you wrestling on the ground.
14. First time we’ve touched a football all year.
It’s funny depressing because it’s true.
