“I just had no purpose, mate, it was no structure.”
Jason McAteer remains a popular and iconic figure in Irish football. His famous goal against Holland at Lansdowne Road in 2001 sent the Republic of Ireland to a World Cup play-off against Iran.
The former midfielder also enjoyed a successful club career, lining out for Bolton, Liverpool, Blackburn, and Sunderland, before retiring at Tranmere Rovers in 2007.
Speaking on the Tales, Tears, & Trophies podcast with former Man United and France star Mikael Silvestre, the 53-year-old opened up about difficulties, depression, and suicidal thoughts he faced, coping with life after football.
McAteer said:
“I just had no purpose, mate, it was no structure. The TV stuff, I mean I wasn’t working every day of the week.
“It would be like maybe one show a week or maybe two shows a week. It was very sporadic. Days and days and days with nothing to do, yeah.
“And I got to the tunnel, that tunnel between the Wirral and Liverpool. My child, who I was keeping this relationship with under difficult circumstances, lived on the other side of this tunnel.
“And I was driving through the tunnel, and it upsets me, because it takes me back to this moment because I can feel it. And as you go out the daylight into the tunnel light, it’s like this kind of light.”
He continued: “I remember thinking to myself, I’m just going to swing the car here and just end it. That’s how easy it is. And I was fighting myself not to do it, fighting going ‘do it, do it, do it, do it do it’.
“And I’d be like, ‘no’. ‘Do it’. ‘No’. And I’d be fighting the steering wheel and I remember coming towards the end of the tunnel and it was like the daylight was opening up.
“And I remember coming out the tunnel thinking ‘thank God, just thank God’. And I went to get my little boy, because I always used to take him to the pictures. I took him to the pictures and I drove home.
“I got to my mum’s. My mum lived 10 minutes around the corner and I knocked on a door and I remember just saying, ‘I can’t do it anymore. That’s it, that’s it’. And I was just at that point.
“Oh man, it was tough. Just like everything had gone… I don’t half miss it. I miss… I miss everything about playing. I miss it.
“Yeah, I just miss it. Just like running, just running out, just running out, just free on a footy pitch. No problems…”
If you are affected by any of the issues covered in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 116 123.
