Just stop it.
There are a lot of annoying quirks, habits and behaviours in every walk of life but here is the undefinitive definitive list of sporting pet peeves.
1. “He’s hit that too well…”
No he hasn’t. Otherwise it would’ve went where he wanted it to go.
2. Come-and-get-me pleas.
In what other world would a paid employee come out publicly and beg another company to hire him/her? Footballers are talking in the media about not being allowed to leave, some of them are talking about dreams of moving elsewhere and some professionals are even showing up at other training grounds in the hope of forcing a transfer. Imagine doing any of this in any other working environment.
3. Sportspeople thanking God far too much.
Thank yourself once in a while.
4. Transfer Deadline Day.
Over it.
5. Fans who leave early.
You deserve everything you get.
6. “That’s as good as a score…”
No it’s not. A wide is not as good as a score.
7. Time not getting added on properly.
Only about 90 seconds of injury time is every actually played with. Bringing subs on, feigning injury, taking your sweet time with set pieces genuinely works. Refs fall for it every time.
8. Hitting penalties down the middle.
If you’re not confident enough to put the ball away with no doubt, if you’re absolutely bricking it and just going to close your eyes and hope for the best, then just say so and we’ll find someone who will actually just put the ball where the ‘keeper can’t get it. A shot from 12 yards should not come down to luck.
How to take a penalty 101, featuring Harry Kane#THFC pic.twitter.com/cJMmZliXP1
— SportsJOE (@SportsJOEdotie) January 16, 2016
9. Goalkeepers who let penalty-takers away with hitting it down the middle.
Stop it! Stop jumping out of the way. Just like a free kick, if someone hits it over the wall and into the top corner, the ‘keeper can hold his hands up and applaud even. If someone hits the side-netting from the spot, there’s damn all he can do about it. Far too many penalties are scored into a vacant centre of the net.
10. The boy in the gym who asks you how many more sets do you have left.
Piss off, that’s how many.
11. Infidelity.
12. Diving.
But mostly foreigners being labelled cheats for doing so and British/Irish players being labelled clever.
13. “He’s just about onside…”
Analysts that have the benefit of a frozen shot with lines drawn across the pitch and still manage to make the wrong call about offside.
14. The camera man/director not doing their jobs.
The camera staying on an under pressure manager or a celebrity in the crowd or Tim Sherwood for far too long while the match is ongoing. Showing replays while the match is ongoing.
15. “Behaved with great dignity…”
Basically a euphemism for a manager being pushed around by a club and the media and then his own players before getting sacked.
16. “And I support United…”
When someone says something is either distasteful or classy or that someone is either brilliant or shit and they think it holds more weight because they do or don’t support the team in question. “Philippe Coutinho is class. And I support United…” Oh, you would know then. That’s that settled. Actually, pointing that out, all it proves is that you usually are biased or irrational and can’t be trusted to call things at face value regardless of who you support.
17. Managers’ celebrations.
It’s not about you. You didn’t score. You shouldn’t have a trademark celebration.
18. Pre-match interviews.
What is the point? We can tell you right now that “it’s going to be tough” and that both managers will “see how it goes.” They might even promise to “give it their best shot” too.
19. Premiership.
It’s Premier League!
20. Sporting listicles.
