Are you Aston Villa in disguise?
Well, at least Villa leaked six goals the odd time to keep some sort of excitement around their games.
But it turns out that the Theatre of Dreams is a fitting name - because that's where people go when they watch United at Old Trafford. To sleep.
No Premier League ground has hosted fewer goals than United's home has this season. 18 games, 32 goals. A meek average of 1.78 goals per game.
https://twitter.com/OptaJoe/status/731074795492663296
Premier League results at Old Trafford
Manchester United 1-0 Tottenham Hotspur
Manchester United 0-0 Newcastle United
Manchester United 3-1 Liverpool
Manchester United 3-0 Sunderland
Manchester United 0-0 Manchester City
Manchester United 2-0 West Bromwich Albion
Manchester United 0-0 West Ham United
Manchester United 1-2 Norwich City
Manchester United 0-0 Chelsea
Manchester United 2-1 Swansea City
Manchester United 0-1 Southampton
Manchester United 3-0 Stoke City
Manchester United 3-2 Arsenal
Manchester United 1-0 Watford
Manchester United 1-0 Everton
Manchester United 1-0 Aston Villa
Manchester United 2-0 Crystal Palace
Manchester United 1-1 Leicester City
Manchester United Premier League record at Old Trafford this season
Played: 18
Won: 11
Draw: 5
Lost: 2
For: 24
Conceded: 8
The record isn't
that bad. The entertainment is fairly minimal.
50 per cent of those games to date ended in a one-goal classic - or less. Nine of the matches finished 0-0 or 1-0.
Anthony Martial leads the way on home soil with six goals for the team whilst Rashford, Rooney, and Mata all lag behind on three.
The French man also has the most assists at Old Trafford with three.
A look at United's underwhelming overall statistics for their individuals this season would show you that the home record is no coincidence.
It's a philosophy.
