Football is coming back.

It has been too long since the Premier League left our screens and it is fast approaching. The Championship is back this weekend and then the Premier League the weekend after. We all have friends who annoy the hell out of you in the build up to the new season so some of these may sound familiar.

1. The Manchester United fan with renewed smugness

They were down in the doldrums for a while after Alex Ferguson left but under Jose Mourinho, that same smugness that surrounded them from the 2000’s is coming back. The fans who used to call the League Cup a Mickey Mouse Trophy now use it as a source of pride bragging about how they won more trophies than any other English team last season. The glory days are back even if they did finish sixth and with Romelu Lukaku (who is a quality player) Victor Lindelof (no Manchester United fan has seen him play) and Nemanja Matic joining, there is hope that they can win a Premier League title for the first time since 2013 and they’ll tell you every step of the way.

2. The ever optimistic Liverpool fan

Okay, we know this one is thrown around a lot but it is only thrown around because it is true. “Another full pre season with Jürgen Klopp will be invaluable and Salah looks great” – true but stop, you’re turning into a Mayo fan this is probably not your year. These type of fans will talk up Sadio Mané and Philippe Coutinho as if they are the best things since sliced bread (In fairness they are pretty good) and mention how their impeccable record against the top four last season. Who knows, maybe it is their year? (nahhhh)

3. The Celtic fan who's adamant their team could compete for the Premier League title

They did draw with Manchester City twice in the Champions League you know? Under Brendan Rogers, Celtic went undefeated in Scotland for the first time since 1898. They’ll tell you how the former Liverpool and Swansea manager has completely transformed the side and that Moussa Dembele would make it into any team in world football. They might also fail to mention that their centre half is Dedryk Boyata.

4. The fan who genuinely believes Everton will make a splash this season

He’s bought into the hype, it’s happening. This fan will tell himself that the signings of Jordan Pickford and Michael Keane were brilliant and that Davy Klassen must be good if he cost £23m. With Wayne Rooney back at the club, he is the PERFECT replacement for Romelu Lukaku and Ronald Koeman is a magician and is sure to launch them as high as top four. This is it, now is their time. Again.

5. The fan who solely focuses on Irish players and how well they will do

Blinded by the fact that there are over 60 different nationalities in the Premier League, this fan just wants the best for his Irish Premier League players and thinks that they can make a massive impact. Jon Walters, Jeff Hendrick, Robbie Brady AND Stephen Ward all playing together can surely only be a good thing, there’ll be chemistry unrivalled by any team. It doesn’t matter that James McClean is at West Brom, he should be playing top six at least. Shane Long is the same and not a bench warmer. All these lads are better than the fellas who play for England he’ll say, unrivalled passion and dedication.

6. The “I pick a new team every year” fan

Not wanting to be like every other kid that supported Manchester United, Liverpool or Celtic, he likes to choose a new team each year but it can never be a top team. Much like our Everton hype train fan, he is liking the look of the Merseyside club but he’d gain a lot more respect in the eyes of his peers if he picks Bournemouth. They play great football and Eddie Howe is one of the best young managers in the game. There’s Southampton too, they haven’t sold any players this summer, who knows what they can achieve? May also make choice depending on whatever jersey is going cheap on SportsDirect.

7. The fan paying too much attention to pre-season form

He can’t call it this season but the advantage clearly lies with Manchester City, they absolutely dismantled Real Madrid in a pre-season friendly last week. Manchester United are also looking good after a valiant effort against Barcelona and a win on penalties against Real Madrid. And how about that Morata lad? He looked shocking unfit, won’t be up to much at all this year.

8. The Leeds fan

Leave this lad be, he doesn’t deserve slagging anymore. There’s one in every friend group and is a victim of being easily influenced by his father. If the lad is an optimist, he will mention how the club signed about 15 former Real Madrid players and a quality Polish international. If he’s not, he’ll tell you that he has no idea who half the players are and that he doesn’t know the name of the new manager. Unlike the “this will be our year” Liverpool fan, he has long given up hope that they will ever get promoted and deserves our sympathy.