Following the release of his autobiography, the next logical step is for hotshot Hollywood producers to fund a Brian O’Driscoll biopic. SportsJOE has decided to save them a job and cast the inevitable BOD movie.
Danny McBride as Shane Byrne
As casting directors we’ve adopted the attitude that if you find the right mullet, the acting will take care of itself.
Damien Lewis as Paul O’Connell
There’s a real dearth of massive, ginger actors out there. We think Homeland star Damien Lewis is the closest we’ll get to filling the Munster man’s big shoes. He can certainly match the towering second row’s intensity.
Michael Chiklis as John Hayes/Keith Wood
Asking the star of The Shield to do dual roles might seem like a big ask, but he could easily go down the quiet, brooding route while portraying John Hayes. We’re not sure Chiklis has the Limerick accent in his wheelhouse, but that shouldn’t matter. What landed him two parts in the movie is the fact that he’s big and bald. The ability to cry on cue is essential for the national anthem scenes.
Chris Pratt as Gordon D’Arcy
Finding the right facial hair was always going to be a difficulty for this role. The Guardians Of The Galaxy star could possess the beard-growing acumen that this role requires. And even if he fails with his fuzz, the costume and makeup department can always make some adjustments…
Amy Huberman as… you’ve guessed it
Call it lazy if you wish, but it seems counterproductive to get someone else to play BOD’s wife when she is already a working actress. We were hardly going to cast her as Sean O’Brien now, were we?
Brendan Gleeson as George Hook
Only an actor of Brendan Gleeson’s ability could capture the dour pessimism and relentless grumpiness. The Cork accent should be in his repertoire as well.
After his recent run of incredible films, however, Gleeson is in high demand in Hollywood and might be a difficult name to tie down to the project. If he backs out, we have Jabba the Hutt waiting in the wings to step in.
Liam Neeson as Eddie O’Sullivan
He just about fits the age profile and he proved in Michael Collins that he can pull off the Cork accent while also occasionally losing the rag. Plus, he’s got the exact same feathered hair as the former Ireland coach. We’ll grat you he is a bit taller, but we will fix that in post production.
Brick from Anchorman as Paul Kimmage
The resemblance is uncanny.
Killian Scott as Johnny Sexton
He may play an absolute scrote on Love/Hate but, having grown up in Sandymount, the actor’s natural accent is quite close to that of the Irish fly-half. All he needs to do now is accurately portray the skill sets of one of the highest paid players in the world on screen. That shouldn’t be too much of an ask.
Jack Reynor as Brian O’Driscoll
If the biopic centres around a young BOD then the Irish rising star is a shoe-in to play the leading man. After all, he’s already played a rugby captain in his breakthrough role in 2012 indie film What Richard Did.
For an older O’Driscoll, we reckon Matt Damon could be the perfect fit. However, he may be fearful of getting typecast as international rugby captains.
