Mixed martial arts, we've made a few... changes
Following Russian MMA promotion M-1 Global's decision to make their
Medieval knight fights a regular feature, we've decided to count down the top seven most insanely stupid MMA variations in the brief history of the sport. If the purest form of unarmed combat isn't enough to pique your interest, some of these gimmicky spin-offs might be ideal for you.
XArm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNDKntFf7Xc
XArm might just live up to its tagline of "the roughest three minutes in sport". It combines techniques from kick-boxing, martial arts and, of course, arm-wrestling. Think of it as an arm-wrestling match except you can use your other arm, legs, knees, your head and the kitchen sink to try to knock out your opponent
Perhaps the most worrying line in the official rule book is this;
All head butts are illegal, as are fingers in the eyes or fish-hooking any bodily orifice.
Shockfights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yph0dbw5Grw
This is just your bog-standard MMA promotion... with one notable difference, the fighters have
"3,000,000" volts of electricity running through their gloves.
Each fighter's gloves come fully fitted with stun guns which means that every time you hit your opponent they not only feel the force of the haymaker, but also get the added sting of a taser thrown in for good measure. There are no judges but really, having the fight properly adjudicated is the least of your concerns if you're taking part in this circus.
Ultimate Ball
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bz8Djx-5NY
The team-based sport combines elements from sports such as rugby, American football, basketball and, you've guessed it, MMA. The aim is to get the ball into into the opposition's goal while dodging takedowns and body shots. So, aside for the cage and the number of players, it's not all that different to rugby.
Fighters are only allowed to throw strikes at the player who has possession of the ball, so good luck if you're that poor soul.
Arena Combat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2qBIXjXw7c
Arena Combat is a two-on-two mixed martial arts competition which takes place in a glorified obstacle course that resembles some sort of violent leisure centre. The Arena is comprised of five different obstacles which, according to the inventors of the sport, is supposed to simulate the environment of a real life street fight.
The 10-point must scoring system is not in effect. Instead, fighters earn points through striking and grappling and for "holding a figure", which means that both fighters from the same team stay on the obstacle for 10 seconds.
Team Fighting Championships
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GixDXD44_yA
It starts off with five members on each team and keeps going until there are no members on one team. The problem with this sport is that once one person gets submitted or knocked out, that team is screwed.
Suddenly, it's two-on-one, then three-on-one, until eventually all five members are just laying into some poor fool cowering on the mat who's begging the ref to intervene.
San Do
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVZgtEVCypQ
If five-on-five seems a bit excessive, maybe a triple-threat match might be a bit cleaner, right?
Wrong. This idea was destined to fail from the get-go.
The main problem with this concept is human nature. If you try to initiate the fight first, you run the risk of getting tagged by the other coward. Also, what's to stop fighters from colluding, teaming-up or double-crossing the other competitors? It's a far cry from the honourable teachings that martial arts is supposed to embody.
Footbrawl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J3JN54Gnvs
If there was an award for MMA variation with the best pun, this would certainly be in the running. Another rugby-combat sports hybrid, although the inventors claim it was also heavily inspired by Aussie Rules.
How do you score, you say? Well according to the website, it's fairly simple.
Throw the ball through the net, kick the ball through the net or pick up the person who has the ball and throw them through the net!!
