Ex-UFC fighter Yves Edwards’ review of 50 Shades of Grey is simply magnificent

To say that Yves Edwards isn’t a fan of the movie 50 Shades of Grey would be an understatement

The UFC veteran retired from MMA last year, but it seems like he could make a pretty decent living as a movie critic judging by a recent status update of his.

Edwards explained how he rather thoughtfully brought his wife to see this year’s softcore porno that’s certain to be a box office smash hit 50 Shades of Grey for Valentines. The man whose profession used to be beating up the baddest dudes on the planet was simply bested by a film that he just couldn’t endure.

This movie is extremely bad, it’s what you get when Nickelodeon decides to venture into the world of pornography. I have paid money to sit in a movie theater and watch garbage that is simultaneously destroying my brain cells, perpetuating the Prince Charming myth, decreasing my faith in humanity and portraying women as irrational and incompetent

Luckily for Edwards, his wife also equally disliked the movie and agreed to duck out of the showing earlier. He recounted a brilliant anecdote involving him and one of the staff members at the theatre after exiting the screening.

Anyway we get to the lobby and it’s 10:10pm I grab a server, and asked for some help. This is the conversation I had with him almost verbatim.

Me: “Excuse me, can you please help us get our check?”
Server: “What theater were you in?”
Me: “‘50 Shades of Grey’ in theater 10.”
Server: He smiled and said “That movie is pretty bad huh?”

Now, after reading the excerpt from his critical analysis of the motion picture, you must already be expecting a biting, snappy line that best sums up the problems with film. Edwards did not disappoint in this regard.

Me: Thinking about how bad that movie was made me remember why I was laughing so hard in the theater. “Horrible is a better word. I didn’t want to go to jail for yelling ‘Fire’ in a crowded theater, but I was sitting in the back and I literally thought ‘if I take a shit in the corner we would all have to leave’”.

He ended the review with an epigram that we can all live our lives by.

Moral of the story: 1. Don’t see “50 Shades of Grey”, unless you want to seriously consider taking a shit in a crowded theater.

You can check out Yves’ full review in the embedded Facebook post below. Be warned though, it’s a long read and I’ve already ruined the punchline… apologies.