It’s always the same.
Here comes another season. Here comes the same, old issues.
January
Players will pretend like they’ve observed the winter training ban
They’re just trying to dust off the cobwebs now. They’ve only been together a few weeks. They’re just happy to get a run out again and get a touch of the ball – it’s a long break from the club championship.
Pre-season competitions will be hailed for entertaining football
None of that defensive puke here. Teams giving it a go. Not afraid to try something. The crowd loves it – when they can see it.
February
The league format will be hailed as the future
Competitive games every week. When do we see the like of it?
Conor McManus will score 11 from play
Worst thing he could’ve done…
After watchin Conor Mcmanus, Down may start workin on a triple sweeper now for the championship game! Phenomenal performance!#differentgravy
— Steven Poacher (@Stevie_Poacher) February 27, 2016
March
People will say they prefer Sky’s coverage to RTÉ’s
The thinking-man’s option.
Jim Gavin will play down his side’s chances
Yes, they’re mowing over everyone in the league but Carlow or Wexford will be a different threat come May.
April
Dublin will win their fifth league title in a row
Because they have the best team and the best squad.
Dublin will be told to split in two
Because they have the population size, the financial resources, the facilities, the number of club players.
May
People will get really angry when Sky covers their games, instead of RTÉ
How are they supposed to watch now?
Joe Brolly will pick a manager and go to town on him until they’re out
He’s just livening up the early rounds.
The Ulster championship starts and so does the entertainment debate
Pat, Joe and Colm didn’t enjoy themselves and they’re triggering the rest of the country. Should you play to entertain or play to win? Should you analyse games or rate how much you’re enjoying yourself?
June
Attendance figures have decreased
Compared to last year. Compared to 10 years ago though, they’re sky high.
The championship is boring
The games aren’t competitive. It needs to be split in two (presumably 5 teams in the A grade and 28 in the B grade – in the interest of keeping it competitive).
Someone will take the sledging “too far”
No need.
The black card rules will be researched by everyone
What is a black card? Why didn’t he give it there? Why did he give it there? Why do we have this bloody rule? It’s causing too much confusion. Get rid of it.
July
Aidan O’Shea will tweet something
Somebody will make a big deal of this.
Cork County Board will do something bonkers
It will probably come in the shape of a statement, hitting back at their critics, defending their All-Ireland exits.
Tommy Carr will piss everyone off
Yes, he’s hired to give his thoughts – believe it. He’ll spend his time talking up an out-of-form player as a potential Footballer of the Year candidate and he’ll confuse the black card rule even farther.
August
Stephen Cluxton’s kickouts will be analysed to death
It’s the key.
A wild card will make it to the quarter-finals
So people will say the championship needs restructured to make sure those games are competitive in future.
The best teams will make it to the semi-finals
So people will say the championship needs restructured to make sure the “so-called weaker counties” have a chance of making it that far too.
September
The GAA will propose a shit rule change
We wanted a more exciting championship, we wanted a fairer format, and others wanted more high-scoring games – so something like the hand-pass will be altered and put to congress.
Mayo will lose
October
A management team will be overthrown
The players will be called a disgrace, said they have notions of themselves, told to just get on with it.
Club players will feel neglected
And now everyone has 9 weeks to get their county and provincial championships wrapped up.
