The eternal optimist
This fan’s ringtone is the Chumbawamba ‘classic’: ‘I Get Knocked Down’.
No matter what mishap befalls the county senior side, every season this supporter has themselves fully convinced that Sam Maguire is coming home to Mayo.
The expectation level never drops below hopeful, and they hoover up every scrap of information about the senior side and the state of Aidan O’Shea’s latest haircut with the enthusiasm of the NSA.
Every win in the league is treated as further evidence of a tilt at Sam, while any win over Kerry is celebrated more than a grant of government money for the roads in Belmullet from Enda’s office.
There is nothing as dangerous as hope which makes the comedown in August of September all the more devastating.
The GAA version of an S&M fan.
The Emigrant
There she is, outside the Gresham hotel just off the bus from Dublin airport and in her finest DKNY jeans and Mayo jersey she brought over with her back in 1997 with Genfitt on the front.
She keeps in touch with the action back home via the internet and the satellite dish that Cuban man down the hall sold her from the boot of his car.
Midwest is always tuned into her DAB radio, while she once got the Naked Cowboy to scrawl ‘Mayo 4 Sam’ across his once tight, but now less buff body for a Facebook update.
Buys the Western People from the Egyptian man in Brooklyn and always scours the local notes for the births deaths and marriages.
She’s the supporter who RTE will catch with tears in her eyes as the national anthem is belted out in Croker, and more tears in her eyes at the end of the game.
The Broken Hearted
A headband isn’t much use to dry up tears but it’s better than using your new Elverys top.
From children to pensioners this fan has the haunted look of someone who has five of the six winning lotto numbers and then sees their ticket blow away in the hurricane from the south west or get wet in a sea of blue.
You’ll know them as they crowd into Burger King in O’Connell Street and pick away at their chips, and play with the sachets of Mayo. Oh the irony.
Their symptoms are a close relation to the trauma experienced by survivors of ‘Nam. If you were’t there or you’re not from Mayo then you don’t know what it was like to go over 50 years waiting the All-Ireland.
The superstitious
The curse, the f**king curse and every bad thing it has brought to Mayo football.
To try and counteract it this fan makes sure to inhale deeply on the still sweaty shirt of Ciaran McDonald from that win over Dublin he snaffled at the backdoor of the Mayo dressing room.
He tried to get some of his hair too but was led away as he took the scissors out of his overcoat.
Vacum packed for additional power is also a pair of Liam McHale’s finest Hawaiian shorts that he makes sure to rub before every Connacht final.
He brings his ‘lucky’ flask with him to every game in the Hyde, and makes sure at every mass to include Mayo winning Sam as one of his private intentions.
Candles, medals, even bits of green and red rope have all been blessed by this man but nothing has yet pulled Mayo through.
That bloody curse.
The bitter buachaill
It’s not so much losing that hurts this fan but the way that Mayo have been cheated out of so many All-Ireland wins. If it wasn’t Meath starting a row in 1996, it was Cormac Reilly in 2014 in Limerick.
If the Cork County Board thought they were hard done by, then Mayo could give them a few helpful pointers and it wouldn’t be weather they’d mention either.
This supporter has no time for cheats or for conning referees and just wants fair play, and mostly fair play for Mayo.
Every opportunity to discuss football is another chance to remind Kerry of their cunning ways, and why if it wasn’t for the Gooch or Donaghy ruining their dreams they’d have won three of four All-Ireland’s at this stage
As for Donegal and Dublin, don’t get them started.
