Lock me down. I’m ready.

It’s not been an easy year – but boring weekends are made much less boring with the amount of sport that’s available to watch.

And this Saturday and Sunday is so good I want to laugh until I cry tears of joy.

Enjoy it. We deserve it.

Friday

7.30pm
Armagh v Tyrone
All-Ireland SFC Group 4
TG4

There’ll be no easing into this weekend as an all-Ulster clash kicks off the All-Ireland senior football championship.

SATURDAY

8.45am
Australia v New Zealand
Tri-Nations
Sky Sports

Early morning rugby and it’s only two of the world’s heavyweights with getting the Trippier-Nations underway in what is also the third Bledisloe Cup match.

12.30pm
Sheffield United v Man City
Premier League
BT Sport

Man City have some of the finest attackers on earth with a coach that has overseen some of the most swashbuckling attacking in history. But Sheffield United have John Egan and Enda Stevens in defence. And Sheffield United have big Didzi.

1.15pm
Monaghan v Cavan
Ulster SFC
Sky Sports

The knockout All-Ireland football championship for the first time since 2020 and neighbours Monaghan and Cavan get us started. Any chance to watch Conor McManus is a chance you should take.

2.15pm
Wales v Scotland
Guinness Six Nations
Virgin Media One

The final day of the Guinness Six Nations begins with Wales and Scotland battling it out for fourth and for the Doddie Weir Cup.

3pm
Galway v Tipperary
All-Ireland SFC Group 2
TG4

Last year’s All-Ireland intermediate champions take on last year’s All-Ireland senior finalists.

It's no wonder they call Aishling Moloney the most skilful ladies footballer in the country.

What. A. Score 😱😱 @TippLadiesFB @LadiesFootball pic.twitter.com/tSjS5X7XMk

— GAA JOE (@GAA__JOE) March 25, 2019

3pm
Burnley v Chelsea
Premier League
Premier Sports

Frank Lampard has finally stopped his team leaking goals – now he just needs to make sure they keep doing that but find out how to score at the same time. Sean Dyche won’t be in the sort of form to hand out too many open chances though.

3.30pm
Cork v Waterford
Munster SHC
Sky Sports

Exactly the sort of game you’d really miss seeing a crowd at down on the Lee. Sky are making their GAA coverage available to non Sky Sports subscribers by putting it on Sky Sports Mix – which is just as well because they want people to watch.

4pm
Bermuda Championship
PGA Tour
Sky Sports Golf 

Padraig Harrington is doing well out in Southampton (a very different Southampton). If you like golf and tropical island scenery, sit back.

4.15pm
Stage 11
La Vuelta
Eurosport

The 170.2km Alto de la Farrapona awaits Sam Bennett and his cycling rivals in Spain.

4.45pm
Italy v England
Guinness Six Nations
Virgin Media One

England should pick up a bonus point win to leave them atop the Six Nations group and placing all stock in the final game to come at 8.05pm.

5pm
Dublin v Donegal
All-Ireland SFC Group 3
TG4

The champions get their campaign started against the Ulster champions. This should be a tasty one.

5.30pm
Liverpool v West Ham
Premier League
Sky Sports

Sometimes I think Liverpool are struggling with injuries and then I remember Thiago is back and they’re still playing every one of Salah, Mane, Firmino and Jota in attack.

6.15pm
Galway v Wexford
Leinster SHC
RTÉ 2

Oh baby. Here comes the hurling.

8.05pm
France v Ireland
Guinness Six Nations
Virgin Media One

The title decider.

10.45pm
Match of the Day
BBC One

You’ll inevitably need to catch up on everything you’re missing. And there are games on GAA GO all weekend too, that aren’t on regular TV.

GAA GO

3.45pm – Kilkenny v Dublin (Leinster SHC)
7pm – Waterford v Limerick (Munster SFC)

SUNDAY

12.05pm
Emilia Romagna Grand Prix
Formula One
Sky Sports F1

The third Grand Prix in Italy this season.

12.50pm
Stage 12
La Vuelta
Eurosport

Stage 12 is just a measly 109.2km across the Pola de Laviana – Alto de l’Angliru.

1.15pm
Leitrim v Mayo
Connacht SFC
RTÉ News Now

If Mayo want to make it to the big time this year, they have to do something they haven’t done since 2015 – win a Connacht championship.

1.30pm
Donegal v Tyrone
Ulster SFC
RTÉ 2/BBC NI

Two of the five best teams in the land and one of their championship campaigns are over on Sunday. It’s unfair that they have this fate because they’re from Ulster but it makes this fixture all the more appetising.

2pm
Newcastle v Everton
Premier League
Sky Sports

After losing their first game of the season last weekend, Ancelotti’s men should bounce back at Newcastle.

2pm
Dragons v Munster
Pro 14
TG4

Bit of provincial rugby if that’s more your tipple.

4pm
Derry v Armagh
Ulster SFC
BBC NI

Another cracker in store as Kieran McGeeney takes his troops to Celtic Park.

4pm
Tipperary v Limerick
Munster SHC
RTÉ 2

After their destruction of Clare (excluding Tony Kelly), Limerick have set up one delicious encounter with the All-Ireland champions.

4pm
Bermuda Championship
PGA Tour
Sky Sports Golf 

If you still want a stick but a little slower paced.

4.30pm
Man United v Arsenal
Premier League
Sky Sports

Which United will show up?

7.15pm
Tottenham Hotspur v Brighton
Premier League
Premier Sports

Jose Mourinho was not happy with Thursday’s performance. Expect some sort of drama here against one of the brightest coaches in the league in Graham Potter.

7.30pm
Steelers @ Ravens
NFL
Sky Sports

Bit of pig skin.

9.25pm
49ers @ Seahawks
NFL
Sky Sports

The 5-1 Seahawks are out in front at present. The 4-3 49ers are bottom of that NFC West group.

9.30pm
The Sunday Game
RTÉ 2

You’ll need this.

10.30pm
Match of the Day 2
BBC One

You’ll want this.

GAA GO

1pm – Tipperary v Clare (Munster SFC)
1.30pm – Louth v Longford (Leinster SFC)
1.30pm – Offaly v Carlow (Leinster SFC)
1.30pm – Wexford v Wicklow (Leinster SFC)

Watch LOI streaming

5.45pm – St. Pat’s v Dundalk
7.45pm – Finn Harps v Shamrock Rovers

The FootballJOE quiz: Were you paying attention? – episode 10