John Mullane is a god
There is only one rule in this fan’s life. Do not take the name of the Lord God in vain.
If speaking about the De La Salle legend, all sentences must be accompanied by a blessing of yourself or a nod up to heaven to keep the 34-year-old safe.
This man’s Holy Trinity is completed by Tony Browne and Dan Shanahan,
He tries to explain to anyone that the barring order keeping him 30 feet away from Mullane was all a ‘misunderstanding’ after that time he accosted John outside a chipper in Lismore.
Although he has a full head of hair he has decided to shave it just to look like his hero.
And being bald is much easier than trying to be over six foot and tattooed like his other great hero Shanahan.
The young talent spotter
He knows every young lad who ever played for Waterford colleges in the Harty Cup or the Dean Ryan.
He’s the man who ‘discovered’ Paul Flynn, while he also takes the credit for coming up with Brick Walsh’s nickname; it has nothing to do with hurling at all he screams – he just loves Lego.
Obsessed with underage hurling and the the next generation, he regularly brings buses of young lads to games all across the county.
He has a Club Déise keyring with a piece of the ticket stub of the 2010 Munster final inside it and tells everyone when Dan Shanahan scored the winner it was almost as good as that goal he got in a county U12 final in 1988.
He has often mistaken Waterford Whispers ‘news’ for actual news, with unfortunate consequences.
Confused Con
This young supporter is sick of telling his friends that he supports Waterford despite his address saying otherwise.
Don’t be so ‘placeist’ he tells his friends, it’s not right.
Ferrybank is not in Kilkenny, Carrick-on-Suir is not in Tipperary and Lismore is not in Cork despite what his Eircode says.
Has failed several attempts to prove his love of all things Waterford, such as the now infamous ‘stuff five blaas into your face and not choke challenge’.
His friends still eye him with suspicion when they say ‘well’ and he does not automatically respond with ‘well, boy’.
To prove his undying love for all things blue and white he never, ever takes off his jersey and even brings his hurl into class with him.
The keyboard warrior
His mother worries that he spends too much time in his room as the tip-tap sound emerges from the ‘Do Not Enter’ sign in his room.
Contributes, otherwise known as bitching, to at least five Waterford hurling discussion forums on Facebook and moderates another two on Hoganstand.
Took him all of three seconds to moan that Waterford hadn’t won the throw-in in the Munster final on Twitter and demanded Derek McGrath step down at half-time via Instagram.
Can see every fault on the pitch and full of advice for players and managers despite having hurled at under-8 level and then only as a sub.
Couldn’t handle going to a live game as the lack of wi-fi for updates would be too big a sacrifice.
Only follows the real football.
This character can’t stand when a hurler kicks the sliotar or a footballer decides to show some ‘soccer’ skill by kicking the ball in front of him to get away form a ferocious beast of a wing-back.
Despite living in a county known for its soccer tradition, this man can’t stand any non-GAA related sport and feels rugby is a curse from England almost as bad as the Black and Tans.
He tells everyone that he is the man that Joe Brolly is talking about when he mentions ‘true Gaels’.
Also a massive man for the ladies football. Massive.
The first thing he says every morning is ‘Up the Deise.’
