It feels like it’s been a long season already.
It seems like forever ago you were sitting in a cold room in December talking nonsense about how this season was all going to be different.
You had the enthusiasm and the togetherness ready and willing to execute the gym plan and put in all the hard yards at every session that was intricately mapped out for the team through January and February.
Here you are when the real action is starting though and you’re thinking that an early championship exit might not be the worst thing in the world if for nothing else but to get the manager out of your ear for a few months.
Championship is around the corner and it is very evident in clubs up and down the country because this is what’s going on.
1. Boys are going on holidays
2. It’s pissing down
Of course it is. You’re not expecting any games in the summer are you? Don’t be stupid, that’s when county games hog five months of the calendar.
3. Mr County is back in training
He’s being called County, he’s being teased about being a stranger – even though he wanted to be here all along. “Good of him to show up.” He’s probably getting bloody roasted too because he’s been faffing about with a county side going nowhere.
4. Back-for-the-summer guy might show up for a week
Back to save your season. His stock has risen considerably because he’s done nothing for a year and because he played no part in the defeats. The struggling wing forward busting his balls all season is shitting himself now and he’s already disgruntled even before his inevitable axing.
5. The club will start to feel like a drop-in centre
A welcoming home for all. Stop by whenever you like sure. People you haven’t seen in years are showing up – you didn’t even know they were living at home. The reserves are boasting a 30-strong squad now and lads are inviting themselves to senior training and messing up every drill.
6. Boys will soon have to train an hour away from home
Bloody college lads…
7. Your changing room seats are gone
You’re thinking to yourself that these minors are just going to have to learn the hard way as you toss their clothes, shoes, and kit bag into the shower and away from your spot.
8. Injuries are mysteriously clearing up
Numbers at training have shot from 17 to record highs. Must be championship…
9. The grass is cut
The future club person of the year seems to be cutting it at every session and he won’t stop lining it either, leaving paint all over your new boots.
10. Club stalwarts show up to watch training
Now you know it’s serious. The manager is feeling the pressure of the eyes.
11. You haven’t heard a mention of the weights programme since February
It was a good idea at the time.
12. But the messages aren’t slowing up
13. The boy who’s only good in training becomes REALLY good in training
It might even be enough to convince the manager to bring him on as a sub during the championship. It will blow up in his face. He never delivers. How many times are you going to have to learn that?
14. Championship haircuts are running amok
Fades and quiffs everywhere you look.
15. If you don’t train, you won’t play
That policy has long since been abandoned.
16. You might actually clean your shorts and socks for once
You’ll still leave the rest of the dirty gear in the bag though. Whatever that shit is that’s biodegrading down there.
