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GAA

31st Oct 2016

12 signs you are getting too old for the club

Time to say goodbye?

Mikey Stafford

The fun has to come to a stop at some stage.

There are some real heroes out there, dedicated club men who drop through the grades just so they can keep togging out as long as the body will allow it.

At the start of this year’s Dublin senior football league, division 8, campaign we came up against one such figure. He came on as a sub for Na Fianna in the second half and kicked a point off his left from the right sideline, a point off his right from the left sideline and another for good luck.

It turned out he was a veteran of the dominant Na Fianna team of the late 1990s and early 2000s, he was still lining out in Junior C football as he wanted to play with his son for a few years before hanging up his boots.

Admirable and commendable, but probably easier to do when you have magic in those boots. For most run-of-the-mill club players, the signs that it is time to retire become harder and harder to ignore.

With the clocks going back it seems a natural time to reflect on a career and ask whether it has naturally run its course. We identify some key signs that it may be time to become an ex-player.

1. You finally have the respect of referees

AIB Munster Club Senior Football Championship Semi-Final, Austin Stack Park, Tralee, Co. Kerry 16/11/2014 Austin Stacks vs Ballincollig Austin Stacks' Kieran Donaghy speaks to referee Rory Hickey at the end of normal time Mandatory Credit ©INPHO/Ryan Byrne

When they all know you by name and patiently, respectfully explain their decisions you know you’re getting on.

2. You swear you’ll pack it in when your boots do

Leinster GAA Football Senior Championship Semi-Final, Croke Park, Dublin 26/6/2016 Dublin vs Meath Dublin's Diarmuid Connolly and Donnacha Tobin of Meath Mandatory Credit ©INPHO/Ryan Byrne

Why the fuck did you invest in those Puma Kings? They’re indestructible.

3. You’re sponsoring the jerseys

mcshane

Life has been good to you, you’ve had some success in your (professional) career and want to give a little back to the club. Only problem is, you’re running around with your own name on your chest.

4. You have a loyalty card for club physio’s private practice

British & Irish Lions Tour to South Africa A general view of the physio table Mandatory Credit ©INPHO/Dan Sheridan

The aches and strains are unavoidable at this stage and impossible to ignore, however your young team-mates are getting pissed off with you hogging the table before, sometimes during and always after training. The physio recognises your pain and cuts you a good deal for private visits. You are sponsoring the jerseys after all.

5. The manager was playing minor when you were Under-21

GAA Football All Ireland Senior Championship Round 1B, Innovate Wexford Park, Wexford 27/6/2015 Wexford vs Down Wexford manager David Power and selector Mattie Forde celebrate at the final whistle Mandatory Credit ©INPHO/Donall Farmer

It’s not his age, it’s not the fact he had his own ‘Bainisteoir’ polo shirts printed, it’s not even the fact he was appointed without any of the panel being consulted. It’s the fact he was never any use. That’s what grates.

6. You’re not putting the same effort into dodging training as you used to 

text-2

Just because…

7. Way too many WhatsApp groups as well

GAA Hurling All Ireland Senior Championship Preliminary Round 23/6/2012 Limerick vs Laois Fans use there mobile phones as the game becomes one sided Mandatory Credit ©INPHO/James Crombie

What was wrong with making a plan and sticking to it? An awful lot of talk in these groups, interrupting Emmerdale, Eastenders and Corrie.

8. You were drunk at several of your team-mates’ christenings

AIB All Ireland Club Senior Football Club Final 17/3/2013 St Brigid’s (Roscommon) vs Ballymun Kickhams (Dublin) St Brigid’s Shane Curran and Damien Kelleher celebrate after the game Mandatory Credit ©INPHO/Ryan Byrne

That corner-back is a serious operator, but you can remember him in his white dress having oil smeared on his forehead.

9. You take an a la carte approach to the warm-up

GAA Hurling All Ireland Senior Championship Final, Croke Park, Dublin 7/9/2014 Kilkenny Richie Hogan warms up Mandatory Credit ©INPHO/James Crombie

Stretching is okay, a few drills are spot on but you leave off the sprints. You cannot bank on that ‘second wind’ anymore. A couple of strategic toilet breaks are called for. Anyway, the bladder is not what it used to be.

10. You are a huge advocate of the black card

Michael Geaney receives a black card 3/4/2016

Not because you hate cynical play (heaven forbid) but because it is a great way to save face when you’re blowing out your arse after 40 minutes of playing wing-forward for the reserves.

11. Fucking gym programmes

Seriously, what’s the point? You have your sciatica to consider.

12. You can remember when all this – the second pitch and the hurling wall – were fields

National Games Development Centre Grand Opening, National Sports Campus, Abbotstown 4/4/2016 A view of the GAA National Games Development Centre Mandatory Credit ©INPHO/Ryan Byrne

You have seen the club develop but now it is time to hand it on to the next generation, with their gym programmes and WhatsApp groups.

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