‘Tis the season.
For a good chunk of us after this weekend, we’ll be done for the year.
The GAA season is a bit of a tricky one: you go back training in January and are playing all the way until November with the summer being a bit of a mess.
Every year you make promises to yourself about fitness and going to train hard and all that jazz but it never comes to fruition.
And every year the team and coaches come in with all the optimism of the world as there is a big pre-season planned.
But what is it you dread most?
1. Player contract/commitment
Around pre-season time at the start of 2017, a leaked photo of a player contract did the rounds and it was a bit ridiculous.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BPDWsOLg_0J/
It was the same team that Paddy Andrews of Dublin plays for and, although he isn’t a big fan of the contracts, admits that they have their values.
Andrews was spot on when he said that every team has some form of contract at the start of the year, written or not.
All senior teams will have a meeting at the start of the year to set out what they want to achieve and what is expected of them, some clubs may do contracts.
The meeting is always a good idea but ultimately it fills you with dread when you hear all the promises about how hard training will be.
2. The fitness test
How do you know Christmas is upon us? All the GAA lads you haven’t seen all year are out in force.
You train hard all year and then the season ends so it is time to let the hair down, go on a few benders and eat everything that mammy stocks the cupboard with.
The gym doesn’t exist in the month of September and cardio is a myth.
So, when it is time to do the fitness test in January there is nothing but fear circulating around the body.
3. The first gym session after Christmas
Sure, there’ll be cobwebs on all the equipment is what you tell yourself, no one has touched the gym since the end of the season.
That’s what you tell yourself and, in fairness, most of the lads haven’t stepped foot in the gym.
You can imagine it now, the instructor screaming at you as you resemble Uter from the Simpsons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5QQKNFqL5s
4. The first training
Ah, Jaysus. You just aren’t looking forward to this at all.
You know you’ll rock up in pissy weather and see that the coaches didn’t bring any footballs. WHY DO YOU PLAY THIS SPORT.
You’re getting shivers just thinking about it.
5. The running
You’ll be pushed to your limits.
There’ll be sprints, there’ll be mass runs, there’ll be laps, there’ll be an egg and spoon race.
Oh, you are just not looking forward to this whatsoever.
6. The running …again
No, like you’re no listening. Literally sleepless nights about the amount of running that will have to be done.
7. The running ….AGAIN
Seriously, running is the worst.
And scary.
And hard.
Ugh.
8. The cold
No man or woman should be outdoors between the months of November to January so why are you?
Hypothermia is going to set in quick enough and you can’t feel your hands.
In a way, you’re delighted there is no ball work for the next few weeks, catching it or getting hit by a hurl is the last thing you want.
9. The mud
This isn’t too bad, they’re like war wounds that you’re proud of and make it seem like you really put the work in.
But then you have to get into your lovely clean car and ruin the seats, f*ck sake.
10. Seeing the blow-ins
You’re the type of lad that is there every month of the year, work arrangements made so you can make training and the whole lot.
This is just another preseason for you but, as you’ve seen before, the same lads you know from when you were younger will all turn up.
“I’m really going to give it a go this year,” says one lad “Me too, I really miss the GAA,” says another but you know and they know after one training session of running in minus something degrees they’ll be running for the hills.
11. The running
Just wanted to get this across one more time. Running. Is. The. Worst.
