It’s been a crazy week but a good week.
Sports writers of the world rejoiced: We finally got to write about prostitution and breastfeeding.
But, just in time for the world champions to arrive in town, Robbie Keane cranked it up a notch to allow for the inclusion of the word ‘tits’ in our reports. About bloody time, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4dTH2KZZEU
At the same time, Germany were hitting Dublin. The World Cup winners riding in their adidas-branded, excessively big Mercedes bus – shipped overseas especially to escort the globetrotters to the InterContinental Hotel in Dublin 4.
Ireland, meanwhile, were out in Abbotstown talking about tits.
Martin O’Neill’s men were seemingly unaffected by the arrival of the big dogs but the rest of the city – at least its temporary and permanent media residents – went into overdrive as a circus of excitement unfolded.
But it was just business as usual for Mario Gotze who got to Dublin and simply went back to his favourite hobby: digging out the first magazine with his face on the cover that he could find.
Does Mario Gotze just walk around with magazines with pictures of Mario Gotze on the front? pic.twitter.com/CSBrrCzhfk
— Stephen with a v (@steveohrourke) October 7, 2015
It was not business as usual for an eager press lot though who had deserted the humble Abbotstown conference room to squash into a grande suite at the old Four Seasons residence.
Joined there by their German colleagues and those from London and Liverpool and the like who flew over to breathe in the same rarefied air as the 2014 champions of the world.
The difference was evident immediately. The detail is in the coffee holders.
And the scramble.
Then the press conference actually started. But half the room got a disappointing surprise when they soon realised that the Germans were speaking German.
Thankfully, there was a translator there. One who the English-speaking crowd grew suspicious of though.
Not just because Joachim Low was filling our heads with nonsense like:
“I think Ireland are famous for defending very well. I see them physically stronger than Scotland and they play more imaginatively.”
(That’s Ireland he’s talking about by the way.)
But the suspicion grew more so when the Germany boss spoke for a good three minutes and we were pawned off in three sentences by the translator.
Something like this:
But the difference was quickly evident in the line of questioning.
Whilst one of the planet’s powerhouses were being pressed on the concern of Mario Gotze – a man usually on the bench for them but not in the last game – not starting every single game for Bayern Munich, conversation amongst the Irish journalists was a lot more humble.
Suddenly, we’ve had to accept that John O’Shea is a sure-fire starter and then, with our own superstars like Ciaran Clark and Marc Wilson unavailable for the Germany clash, our options were:
“Well, it’s either Richard Keogh or Paul McShane…”
You also know the world champs are in town though when photographers are pulling out all the stops to show off their acrobatic moves.
But everyone was giving it their inspired best. You put in the work and the rewards are obvious…
Then, the inevitable Jurgen Klopp to Liverpool questions came in.
Of course they did – there were people who had travelled from Merseyside to get that soundbite.
Jaw-droppingly though, Low confirmed that he is not part of those negotiations. If you hadn’t already guessed.
“I’m not part of the negotiations there so I don’t really know what the status of that is,” the Germany manager said. “Of course I do know that there are talks going on. Looking back, he had an extraordinarily successful time in Dortmund where he released loads of emotions in the Dortmund crowd. If you look at it from afar, it is comparative – Dortmund and Liverpool – with two fantastic footballing cultures. If it works out with Klopp and Liverpool, he would be a great addition to any team.”
Well, that’s what the translator told us anyway.
And, of course, the FIFA Manager of the Year would be no use to us on these islands if he wasn’t talking about one day coaching a team closer to us.
“As far as I’m concerned, personally, I have a contract with the German FA until 2018 and I’m not looking at anything past that.” Don’t expect to see that on any back pages tomorrow.
If Low wasn’t going to give us anything, maybe Germany captain Mats Hummels would.
After the Germans were finished asking the centre back about his comments after Dortmund’s game with Bayern and his Twitter hashtags, the English media got down to serious business.
– What do you think of Jurgen Klopp as a manager and would he be good for Liverpool?
– Mats won’t be answering any questions about Klopp and Liverpool until anything is finalised and confirmed.
– Forget Liverpool then, what do you think of him as a manager?
“He’s a fantastic coach, an absolutely great coach and I think when people put their minds to the question, what is he going to do post-Dortmund, then clubs without a coach will certainly enter the frame in that discussion. He lives, breathes, eats and thinks football day after day and he would be a great addition to any side.”
That’s not really the sort of thing we’re looking for, Mats. Quick, somebody ask him about breastfeeding.
