Two stinking line-ups become one God-awful one.
In the the 2013 documentary, Keane and Vieira – Best Of Enemies, the former Manchester United and Arsenal captains picked the best XI they played with at their respective clubs. Each team was packed full of world-class talent, World Cup winners, multiple league and European champions, and some of the best players of their generation.
The two then combined their teams to create an even more formidable super team.
With Arsenal and United due to play this weekend, we’ve decided to do the opposite, create a not-so-super hybrid of the worst players to feature for both sides during the Premier League era, (because football was invented by Sky Sports in 1992).
Our version reads like a rogues gallery, rather than Keane and Vieira’s hall of fame. From the woeful, to the infamous to the ‘who the hell is that guy?’
Arsenal Worst Premier League XI
1. Richard Wright
Signed for £6 million, Richard Wright was meant to be the long-term replacement for David Seaman. He was gone within a year, making 22 appearances and punching the ball into his own net in a 4-2 loss to Charlton Athletic. 37 year old Wright does have a league winners medal though, and is currently on Manchester City’s books. And, by that, we mean he gets paid to train with them.
2. Nelson Vivas
Who? Exactly.
3. Andre Santos (C)
The embodiment of Brazilian football’s decline, Andre Santos’ most memorable moment in a Gunners shirt was swapping it with Robin van Persie at half-time during a game against United. Currently playing in Swiss football, Santos was effectively ran out of Brazil after his own Flamengo fans attacked him following a 4-0 loss.
Two years of abuse from Gunners fans probably doesn’t seem so bad now.
4. Pascal Cygan
Arsenal fans had a song about this Frenchman, who terrorised his own defence between 2002 and 2006.
He’s bald, he’s sh*t
He plays when no ones fit
Pascal Cygan, Pascal Cygan!He’s bald, he’s sh*t
He’s useless on the pitch
Pascal Cygan, Pascal Cygan!
5. Philippe Senderos
The defender could’ve declared to play international football for Spain, qualifying for the Iberian nation through his father. Spain’s loss was also Switzerland’s loss.
6. Junichi Inamoto
On one hand, he never actually played a Premier League game for Arsenal, on the other, he was so bad he never played a Premier League game for Arsenal. Just be happy you at least got into this team Junichi.
7. Jermaine Pennant
Costing a then record fee for a teenager, £2 million, Pennant made his debut aged 16 for the Gunners… and things went downhill from there. Currently a free agent, after leaving League One Wigan Athletic, and a spell in the Indian Premier League, Pennant infamously forgot he owned a Porsche and left it behind him in Spain.
8. Denilson
Note to all young Brazilian footballers, don’t call yourself Denilson, those that do currently have a 100% failure rate in European football.
9. Francis Jeffers
Arsenal paid £10 million for the striker from Everton in 2001, Jeffers would make just 39 appearances in two years at Highbury, scoring just eight goals. Nicknamed the ‘fox in the box’, Jeffers was more like a penalty-area pigeon.
10. Jeremie Aliadiere
Scored the same amount of league goals as he had loan moves.
11. Park Chu-Young
A worthy successor to Jeffers’ number nine jersey. You’re wearing number 11 today though Park, and you’re playing out wide.
Manchester United Worst Premier League XI
1. Massimo Taibi
Never trust a goalkeeper who wears tracksuit bottoms, an obvious first red flag for United when this Italian joined in 1999. Another is letting a tame shot go through your legs, or conceding five against Chelsea. Poor Taibi didn’t last long at Old Trafford.
2. Pat McGibbon
Five years, one game, you’re among friends here Pat.
3. Jonathan Spector
What’s that Jonathan Spector, you’re not actually a left-back? Well you are today, just be happy we actually remember you.
4.Ronnie Wallwork
He admittedly sounds like a simulated player that pops up on Football Manager in 2021, but no, Wallwork is an actual player. The defender even featured 28 times in five years for United.
5. William Prunier
This French defender is a testament to how good Eric Cantona was for Manchester United. Only King Eric could, reportedly, recommend such a dud and not receive any backlash from Fergie.
Prunier played two games for United in the winter of the 1995/96 season, unfortunately, one of those games was a 4-0 loss to Spurs.
6. Gabriel Obertan
Sure, we’re playing him out of position, but was he ever really that good in his preferred position?
7. David Bellion
As fast as he was unsuited to playing for a top class team.
8. Eric Djemba-Djemba
So good they named him twice, so bad he currently plays in the fifth division of the Swiss league.
9. Michael Owen
A potentially controversial choice, (count yourself blessed, Dong Fangzhou), but hear us out. Michael Owen did score a stoppage-time winner against Manchester City, and a goal in a cup final, but that’s about it.
In a summer when Cristiano Ronaldo was sold, only Alex Ferguson could replace one of the world’s best players with a 30-year-old striker, minus his best attribute [pace], who was best days were a distant memory.
Owen in his prime was an exciting talent, but he was the definition of a bit-part player at Old Trafford. At least Fergie had someone to discuss horse racing with though.
10. Kleberson
Not only did Kleberson win the World Cup with Brazil in 2002, he was an impressive part of the team. It was skid-row thereafter…
11. Bebe (C)
Bebe played in the hopeless, sorry, homeless world cup a few months before moving to Old Trafford in the strangest deal on this list. €9 million for a Portuguese second division player? Really Fergie? Really?
Bebe played seven games, scoring two goals, in his four year spell at Old Trafford. A Tim Sherwood-esque ratio, but the winger was generally terrible.
A worthy captain of this United XI.
Combined Worst XI
You think those two teams are bad? Well…
