VIDEO: Wayne Rooney stars in Alan Partridge-esque Chinese New Year film

The Year of the Goat looks like it’s going to be great

Football clubs around the world have been getting in the spirit of celebration for tomorrow’s Chinese New Year by recording videos which effectively tell their Chinese fans: ‘We love you. We’re with you. Now buy our merchandise’.

Barcelona have done it. So have Arsenal.

But few individuals have the clout to go alone and try and conquer the Middle Kingdom.

Stand forward Wayne Rooney.

He’s a team player on the pitch but we’re going to say this is a solo run by Wayne to break into the lucrative Chinese market.

Or at least break into a Chinese restaurant.

Wayne is down in his favourite Chinese on the pretence that he’s going to find out what this Chinese New Year lark is all about and his good mate, restaurant owner Wing, is going to show him.

It’s the Year of the Goat coming up but Wayne was born in the Year of the Ox and so, Wing informs us, his character traits are that he’s ‘reliable, dependent and creative’.

Sadly, Wing fails to specify if someone born in the Year of the Ox is more or less likely to be satisfied with a deeper midfield role as he enters the twilight years of his playing career.

Next up is a Blue Peter-esque cutting up paper contest which seems a great bit of craic altogether but seems to run out of steam before we can figure out what the point of it is.

But then comes the nitty-gritty of a Q&A.

Wayne straight bats the question about what he normally does from new year, giving a diplomatic ‘I come here to this restaurant with my wife and kids because we like it here’ answer.

He’s not going to escape that easily – a grilling awaits:

Q: Who is the funniest player at United and why? Anderson?

Wayne: Anderson was a character

Q: What about now?

Wayne: I’d probably say Ashley Young. 

Wing: Ashley. He’s a character.