A blow-by-blow account of how Transfer Deadline Day will unfold
7am
Twitter is up early doors and is already alive and buzzing at the start of Deadline Day which, over the years, has evolved so much that it has merited its capital letters, like Christmas Day or St Patrick’s Day.
‘In the know’ accounts are breaking all kinds of news.
8am
Sky Sports won’t have anyone stealing their Deadline Day. Their sources are on top of things.
9am
The car window makes an appearance. Harry Redknapp finally arrives at QPR’s training ground and all is right in Gary Cotterill’s world.
The Sky Sports News HQ HD reporter runs through the usual list in Hazza’s company despite the Rangers boss insisting that there will be no business today.
Harry: “It’s going to be a quiet day, Gary, to be honest with ya. We’re just here to do a bit of training and I’ll get back to the house early and watch you lot on Sky.”
Gary: “You must have something up your sleeve, Harry?”
Harry: “Honestly, we won’t be doing much business today. The chairman might be working on a loan deal and there might be a few players leaving but we just don’t have the finances, Gary.”
Gary: “What about Adnan Januzaj?”
Harry: “He’s a top player.”
Gary: “Would you like to see him here?”
Harry: “Yeah, of course. I’d like to see Di Maria here too but it ain’t gonna happen.”
Gary: “Rickie Lambert?”
Harry: “Great player.”
Gary: “Demichelis?”
Harry: “You’ll have to ask the chairman.”
Gary: “What about rumours of Ben Davies coming on loan?”
Harry: “I haven’t heard those but, yeah, he’s a top player.”
Gary: “Anyone else, Harry?”
Harry: “No, like I say, I’d love to be doing something today – I’d love to be going for Gareth Bale or someone like that – but we’re just not in the position to.”
10am
Bryan Swanson has wrangled another free holiday because he has it on good faith that Burnley are lining up a bid for Flamengo’s Argentine midfielder Héctor Canteros.
But it’s all starting to kick off back in England…
11am
The big story of the day is starting to escalate.
But the Sky reporters have been on their phones incessantly “with club representatives” so they’re the ones still breaking the news.
12pm
The rumour mill is in full swing by midday.
But Sky Sports have still had to drag Charlie Nicholas from his bed to give his spiel on the window.
“I mean, I’m sitting there thinking… I’m thinking who are Arsenal going to bring in to plug the holes in their team? I’m sitting there thinking, if they don’t get the right players in, they can forget about the championship.”
1pm
Arsene Wenger doesn’t agree though.
2pm
Peter Odemwingie shows up at Swansea.
The Totaliser makes his first appearance of the day. Dharmesh Sheth is pumped about comparing this window’s spending with the summer window and Sky Sports will hype it up to the 90s so much so that we’ll actually watch his four-minute feature about who’s spent what.
Big Sam weighs in with his profound gripes on West Ham’s inability to attract the big names.
3pm
The agent population has increased 10-fold and they’ve sent Deadline Day into overdrive as clubs scramble for a piece of any sort of carcass.
Alan Pardew is looking to put his stamp on Crystal Palace straight away. He’s wasting no time in the market and sends the boardroom through a strategy with very concise instructions.
Meanwhile at Villa Park…
4pm
Expert Guillem Balague will get airtime for confidently predicting that some outlandish La Liga transfer will not happen.
“Cristiano to Hull is a non-runner.”
But his inside sources have also told him even more. The Spaniard states that Liverpool are back in the market for a striker and the hyperactivity reboots.
5pm
Thankfully, there’s an English-speaking French PR man at hand to shed light on the issue.
Brendan Rodgers isn’t worrying though. He knows exactly what he’s after. A technician.
But the Liverpool Transfer Committee are increasing their ineffective reputation as they struggle to find someone suitable to press for Rodgers.
6pm
‘Arry Redknapp is still wheeling and dealing working in his office but he has come to the entrance on a few occasions to coyly exchange pleasantries with the camera crew. “We’re just getting ready for the weekend,” he says with a mischievous smirk and, oh, how the Sky Sports News studio love him for it.
Meanwhile, Ricky Hatton has been brought into the studio to give his essential views on Man City and the rest of the Premier League.
Tony Pulis responds to rumours.
7pm
Aston Villa springs to life all of a sudden. Ron Vlaar follows suit with Fabian Delph by committing his long-term future to the club… until the summer. Randy Lerner leaves his office with a sheepish look on his face not knowing what he has done.
He returns in a tizzy intent on recouping the outlandish £3.2m he spent on Carles Gil. What the hell was he thinking?
With less than four hours remaining to deadline, clubs are panicking and turning to potential loan deals. Alan Hutton is back at the centre of it all with Bolton, Wigan, West Brom, Bournemouth, Leicester and Burnley all submitting loan bids for the Villa right back. Lerner offers him to Liverpool for the rest of the season after they missed out on Origi. He’s expecting some return for the sale.
Jose Mourinho refutes Messi to Chelsea claims.
Peter Odemwingie shows up at West Ham.
8pm
Kate Abdo, Jim White and Natalie Sawyer appear together and the internet breaks.
Louis van Gaal opens up on Gareth Bale and the potential for the Welshman to act as cover for Luke Shaw and Ashley Young.
Damien Moneyball Comolli is the latest expert brought into Sky Sports headquarters. The former Liverpool Director of Football is basking in the glory of his past achievements. No-one does deadline day better than the French man. Just give him a British record transfer kitty and he’ll bring an average player to a massive club at his leisure.
Arsenal have surprised us all though. Wenger hid a signing up his sleeve and he answers the critics with vigour with the late purchase of a big-money centre half the team so desperately needed.
9pm
The big story of the day is gathering momentum.
Arsene reveals that everything went to plan.
It seems that Guillem Balague has missed something on the Ronaldo front as Rochdale gain a new follower on Monday night.
Paul Lambert is asked about Villa’s transfer window performance and he unsurprisingly thought they were excellent.
10pm
Harry Redknapp is getting desperate. He hasn’t signed anyone in almost 24 hours and he’s having withdrawal symptoms. The QPR boss turns to Football Manager in a desperate attempt to find a suitable purchase.
Neil Lennon joins him as he looks to continue his Bolton revolution.
The big dogs are in town to talk about the last hour of deadline day. Niall Quinn is interrupting Simon Jordan’s insight into the boardroom with his views on a number of Liverpool players he doesn’t rate. Simon Jordan is not happy.
Liverpool launch a classically late bid before the clock strikes 11. But they’re certain this one will come off.
But the Gareth Bale murmurs come to a crushing head.
11pm
And that’s that. All over. Chance gone. See you in the summer.
11.05pm
Now we’re told that 19 Premier League clubs are still in the middle of business. “Stay with us,” we’re asked as deals are expected through the night. Randy Lerner is missing in action.
11.08pm
Peter Odemwingie shows up at Loftus Road. ‘Arry rings Tony Fernandez.
United launch an auto assault for ‘next available attacker.’
Bolton get their man.
The Liverpool Transfer Committee hang tight.
2am
None of the ‘pending’ deals appear to come off. By this stage nobody can really remember who they were, though the names Hatem Ben Arfa, Alan Hutton and Jeremie Aliadiere were mentioned.
2.10am
Groundhog Day comes to an end.
