What has happened to all the men?

Remember when people used to enjoy playing football? They say that technology is scuppering our kids' play but it isn't just the newest generation that's dodging a bit of good old-fashioned physical activity. Anyone organising something as simple as a game of five-a-side will sympathise that struggle is real. Someone pulls out, someone ignores you, you always seem to have an uneven number no matter what. And offering a friend a side has suddenly shifted from being the kindest act in the world to become the most pestering of manhunts in human history.

The boys who "would love to play"

But... But... Too bad  

The boys too embarrassed to just say they don't want to play

The crafty one who finds out the time before he drops his excuse The stupid one who forgets to find out the time before he drops his excuse The guy who says he's unavailable at the wrong time... he'll think on his feet to be unavailable for the right time too

The boys with girlfriends

He won't reply, but a Facebook post will let you put the pieces together Something comes up. This is your fault really for being so trusting

The injured boys

That ol' ankle He would if he could. He would love to

The boys who have fallen out of love with the game

So far out of love, they won't even reply He just can't. Okay? The most reasonable excuse of all Even the group couldn't be arsed listening