Last week we handpicked our cast for the inevitable Brian O’Driscoll biopic. With that much done we turn our attention away from the Boys In Green and to the, eh, well… Boys In Green. This time we focus on the rounder ball as we select our cast for the Martin O’Neill movie.
Gerard Butler as Roy Keane
This may be a controversial decision given the fact that he’s Scottish and that the last time he tried his hand at an Irish accent it went horribly wrong (see P.S. I Love You). However, he’s a solid action star that has played his fair share of loose-cannons before. Plus, he’s able to grow a pretty spectacular beard, which is half the battle.
Paddy McGuinness as John O’Shea
Very funny. Now show us a photo of what Paddy McGuinness looks like. Wait a minute, that isn’t John O’Shea?
Francis Brennan as John Delaney
We reckon the famous hotelier and host of RTE’s flagship hotel-based programme At Your Service could also play a convincing Football Association chief executive on the big screen. It’s the hair more than anything. Such floppy, floppy hair.
Brendan Gleeson as Alex McLeish
Admittedly, the Calvary star has his work cut out for him playing both George Hook in the BOD biopic and Alex McLeish in the O’Neill film. However, he’s an extremely talented actor. We think he can pull off both. He proved in The Guard that he has mastered that dour-looking grimace that always seems to be washed over the former Rangers boss’ face.
Fr Romero Sensini as Giovanni Trapattoni
Pros: Can climb two flights of stairs unassisted, needs only one nun to get him out of a chair, is Italian.
Cons: is a character from Fr Ted, not an actor.
Wentworth Miller as Henrik Larsson
He looks vaguely enough like the Swedish striker to justify his inclusion in this ensemble cast. If you’re not convinced, try squinting harder or take a few step backs from your screen. You see, uncanny!
An iced gem biscuit as Jack Grealish
Apologies, Jack. It’s not your fault this is the haircut everyone seems to have these days.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Stephen Ireland
Cork accent? Check! Just stick a bald cap on him and we’re all set.
Martin McCann as young Martin O’Neill
The Belfast-born actor is a dead ringer for a young Martin O’Neill. His case is helped by the fact that he can more than likely do the accent given that he’s from Northern Ireland, is a competent actor and that his first name is also Martin.
Eugene Levy as Martin O’Neill
OK, if we invested a lot of money into this motion picture, we would have probably gotten a bankable actor like Ciaran Hinds or Stephen Rea to play the starring role, not the Dad from American Pie. He may have trouble grappling with the accent, he might not have the same gravitas as the Ireland manager and he’s almost certainly too old for the role. However, there is a case to be made for Eugene Levy. He does look a bit like him (sort of).
