The Coca-Cola advert is out, the shops are full of sparkly Christmas stuff and Noel Edmonds is being thawed out at BBC HQ ready for his annual charity visits.
Yes, ‘the holidays’ are coming, but as we march towards December with all the inevitability of a Lee Cattermole yellow card, we are reminded that this time of year is also when club chairmen start to get twitchy.
We all know that being in the Premier League guarantees riches beyond Donald Trump’s wildest dreams, which means clubs will do anything to stay in it. And the first thing they usually do if they are struggling is sack the manager.
We’ve already waved a tearful goodbye to former Swansea boss Francesco Guidolin who barely made it into October before he was given the boot. But who is next in the firing line?
Without checking the bookmakers’ odds, we’ve ranked every Premier League boss from safest to sack-iest (we’re not above making up words) right here:
Arsene Wenger – Arsenal
Safe as houses. Safe as a safety pin locked inside an uncrackable safe inside the safest vault in Fort Knox. Even though he is now in the final year of his contract the Arsenal boss is master of his own destiny and he will decide when he leaves the club.
Verdict: Safe.
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Pep Guardiola – Manchester City
When you have spent years and literally billions of petro-dollars creating the perfect environment to tempt a manager to join your club, as City have, you are going to give him a good old go in the job.
From placing former Barcelona executives like Ferran Soriano and Txiki Begiristain in key City posts, the Abu Dhabi United group have been wooing Pep for years. It’s unlikely given his pedigree and the players at his disposal, but he could be the first City manager for years who would keep his job even if he fails to win a trophy this season.
Verdict: Safer than a soft play area.
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Jurgen Klopp – Liverpool
The laughing cavalier of football management, Klopp is beloved as much for his charming personality as his acumen as a coach. Though given Liverpool’s start this season, he’s clearly making an impact on that front as well.
And if he can go on to lead Liverpool to their first ever Premier League title, he will be untouchable.
Verdict: Gegenstaying.
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Mauricio Pochettino – Tottenham
Astute in the transfer market, obsessive in his quest to improve young players and tactically as good as anyone operating in the Premier League.
Tottenham’s problem won’t be having to sack Pochettino – it will be keeping hold of him if/when one of the giants come calling.
Verdict: Safest Spurs boss since Bill Nic.
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Eddie Howe – Bournemouth
The poster boy of English coaching – and not just because of his boyish good looks.
The groundswell behind him to become England boss shows how highly he is regarded for taking Bournemouth into the Premier League and keeping them there – all while playing some easy-on-the-eye football.
Verdict: His vital(ity) signs are off the chart.
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Sean Dyche – Burnley
He’s going nowhere. He could get Burnley relegated (again) and be fine.
Verdict: Clear your throat, man!
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Antonio Conte – Chelsea
Top of the table and he’s only sixth here? ‘Fraid so, pop pickers. That’s what happens when the club is owned by Roman Abramovich, who is more trigger happy than Dom Joly.
One bad run of form and a row with the combustible Russian, and he could find himself on his way.
Verdict: Be wary of the Roman emperor.
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Jose Mourinho – Manchester United
Yes, he’s only been there since the summer, and yes, it’s Jose Mourinho, so you’d back him to sort it out and get Manchester United back to the top sooner or later. And yet. This is not the Jose Mourinho of ten, five or even three years ago. He seems to have lost some of his sparkle – and he’s never very far away from a row with his own players/club officials/referees/the medical staff that could spiral out of control.
And after spending £150m in the summer, if for any reason he fails to get United into the top four, recent history has shown us that United are no longer ‘not a sacking club’.
Verdict: Special. But not that special.
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Ronald Koeman – Everton
Newly installed at Everton and brought in at the behest of new shareholder Farhad Moshiri, Koeman is still in the honeymoon period at the club.
Verdict: It’s all Goodison for Ronald.
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Tony Pulis – West Brom
More likely to walk than get the boot, Pulis is desperate for more funds to help develop the side. The only snag may be if the new Chinese owners decide they want their own man in the dugout at the Hawthorns.
Verdict: The cap fits… for now.
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Claude Puel – Southampton
Another new man in the Premier League this season, Puel was the surprise choice to replace Ronald Koeman at St Mary’s and was another appointment based on Southampton’s unparalleled and exhaustive research and due diligence.
Verdict: There’s more chance of him being poached by a rival with bigger pockets in two or three years than Puel being given his P45.
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Claudio Ranieri – Leicester
Woah! What are you doing all the way down here, Claudio?
After last season he could get the Foxes relegated, sell Jamie Vardy, Rihad Mahrez and Danny Drinkwater for a pittance, burn down the King Power stadium and call home-town hero Gary Lineker “a big-eared crisp wanker” live on Match of the Day, and he would still be treated like a king in Leicester.
But as mentioned above, no club can afford to be relegated, and if the champs continue to slide down the table (they’re only two points above the relegation zone at the moment), even last season’s heroics might not be enough to save uncle Claudio.
Verdict: Dilly ding, dilly gone?
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Mark Hughes – Stoke
His fourth season at Stoke did not start well, but they’ve climbed the table since then and should be well clear of the drop come the end of the season.
Verdict: They’d be potty to get rid.
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Aitor Karanka – Middlesbrough
Making a decent fist of his first season in the Premier League and owner Steve Gibson is known for giving his managers time (far too much in the case of Bryan Robson). Could well survive even if they go down.
Verdict: Teesy does it.
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Walter Mazzarri – Watford
Watford have started well under the Italian and they are currently sitting in the top half – but the Pozzo family seem to go through managers quicker than Donald Trump rows back on campaign pledges, so no one is ever safe no matter what the results.
Verdict: Don’t get too comfy, Walter.
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Mike Phelan – Hull City
The manager is probably the least of Hull’s problems at the moment, somewhere behind an owner who only seems interested in changing the club’s name and the tiny, tiny playing squad.
Verdict: As soon as owner Assem Allam manages to sell the club, it could be curtains for Mike ‘more than a’ Phelan.
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Slaven Bilic – West Ham
The stories have begun. A dodgy start to the season – apparently not helped by the move into the Olympic Stadium – and the Davids are apparently getting nervous and eyeing up potential replacements.
Verdict: Could be for the high jump unless West Ham have an Olympic-sized upturn in form.
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David Moyes – Sunderland
Ah David. How did it come to this? From Manchester United manager (!) to scraping along with serial relegation candidates Sunderland.
But the owner clearly wants it to work with the Moysiah and after a morale-boosting 3-0 win on Saturday, has the tide turned on Wearside?
Verdict: Wrap Jermain Defoe in the biggest ball of cotton wool ever – stat!
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Bob Bradley – Swansea
His black polo neck jumper isn’t fooling anyone. He’s no Steve Jobs – and at this rate it looks like he might need a miracle to keep Swansea up now.
Verdict: He’s over here (but not for long).
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Alan Pardew – Crystal Palace
Statistically the worst performing Premier League side in the whole of 2016, Pardew’s Eagles are anything but flying.
Some papers now reckon he might have just one game (and it’s away at Swansea) to save his job, but once it even gets to that stage it’s an uphill battle to pull it back.
Verdict: Will it be SelHURT Park for Pards?
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