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Football

08th Aug 2019

Previewing every Premier League team with just three words each

Rudi Kinsella

We’re going to go out on a limb and say that this is the hardest Premier League ever to predict.

Aston Villa – All or nothing

Aston Villa have gone all out this transfer window. They have spent just over £150 million, which is more than almost every single club in the league.

Their midfield is really strong, with Jack Grealish and John McGinn both well able to play for any side in the league, but their issue will be making a lot of new players gel in a short amount of time.

But they’ll stay up, and John McGinn will score a few screamers along the way.

Prediction: 15th

Arsenal – What a window

Arsenal should have come fourth last season. They really should have. They had a simple last few games, and needed to get a good result against Brighton, Crystal Palace or Everton. But in spectacular Arsenal fashion, they made a balls of it, and then lost the Europa League final.

But they only missed out on fourth place by one point, and they have since SERIOUSLY strengthened their squad. Kieran Tierney is a brilliant signing, fixing a problem they’ve had for ages, while Pepe adds some serious firepower up front.

They really should have a very good season this year. But it’s Arsenal, so we’ll see.

Prediction: 4th

Bournemouth – Same old story

Bournemouth have, like almost every single other team in the league, done some good business in the transfer window. Harry Wilson in from Liverpool looks a smart move, and Phillip Billing will add a lot to their side.

Plus they have Eddie Howe in charge. They’ll be fine.

Prediction: 13th

Brighton – Will kick on

Many football fans (especially Irish football fans) were furious when Chris Hughton parted ways with Brighton. And it’s understandable, he did really well keeping them up, and he does seem to be poorly treated by clubs wherever he goes, but this time it feels like the right call.

Brighton fans were sick of playing a tiresome brand of football, and will now look to seriously improve under exciting new manager Graham Potter. Signings like Aaron Mooy and Neal Maupay show the club is going in the right direction, and should stay up.

Prediction: 14th

Burnley – Should be worried

Burnley are a strange one. They kind of defy all logic every time they step foot on to the football pitch. They managed to come seventh two seasons ago, but dropped eight places last season to come 15th.

They’ll be typically hard to beat, and Danny Drinkwater and Jay Rodriguez are good acquisitions, but we don’t see too much of an improvement coming here.

Prediction: 16th

Chelsea –  Should be fun

A transfer ban. A relatively inexperienced club legend at the helm. Their best player gone to Madrid. Of course it’s going to be a fun season.

Sadly, their squad is just that bit too bare, and when Champions League football comes around, they’re going to really suffer as a result. Nothing too worrying though.

Prediction: 6th

Crystal Palace – Zaha or nothing

It’s been a fairly grim summer for Crystal Palace. They’ve signed a few decent players, Ireland international James McCarthy included, but they just don’t have nearly enough goals in the team.

Zaha could still go to Europe, but it looks less and less likely every week.

Roy Hodgson is a good coach, but we reckon this season hasn’t got all that much to do with him. If Zaha stays, and and plays well, they’re staying up, just. If not, it’s bye bye birdie for the Eagles.

Prediction: 17th

Everton – Gone absolutely mad

Seriously. They’ve gone mad. In the space of about 24 hours, Everton bid for incredible players like Wilf Zaha, and minutes later were throwing crazy money at Chris Smalling and Marcos Rojo.

But still, they now have a very strong team. They should comfortably take seventh, just about missing out on that top six spot. Exciting times for the Toffees.

Prediction: 7th

Leicester City – Not quite there

Leicester are going to have a good season. A great season. They’ll win more games than they’ll lose. But they are going to be just a few players off having a team that could potentially break into the top six.

Ayoze Perez was a good signing, and they now have a really strong front six, but the presence of Maguire could be missed at the back, in what will still be a fine season for the former Premier League champions.

Prediction: 8th

Liverpool – Not quite City

Liverpool are going to be class again this year. They’re going to go really far in the Champions League again, cos their team is unreal, and their manager is even better.

But they didn’t strengthen their side at all, and despite Adam Lallana and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain returning from injury, their team was just two or three signings away from matching City’s. It will be looked back on as a missed opportunity.

Prediction: 2nd

Manchester City – Simply the best

News has just broke that Leroy Sané could be out for the season, following a nasty ACL injury. Normally, a world class winger being injured would affect a team massively.

But then you remember that City’s front three will still be Sterling, Aguero and Bernardo Silva or Mahrez. They’ll be fine, and they’re going to win the league again. Sorry everyone else.

Prediction: 1st

Manchester United – Breakout seasons needed

United fans are absolutely miserable at the minute. They sorted out their back four, which has been needed for years now, but they failed to sign anyone attacking player bar young Daniel James from Swansea.

Add that to the fact that they just sold their £75 million striker, and you can understand the frustration of United fans. But it’s not all bad. They still have a decent team, full of players who have shown lots of potential in the past.

This season, that potential needs to turn into something more. Rashford, Martial and Pogba need to play out of their skin for a whole season. We’ll see how that goes.

Prediction: 5th

Newcastle – Absolutely fucked, mate

Mike Ashley letting Rafa Benitez leave because he wanted to sign more players, and then immediately letting his replacement sign a fairly unknown Brazilian for £40 million is peak Newcastle under Mike Ashley.

The signings are actually quite exciting, and they’ve even got big Andy Carroll back, but under Steve Bruce, we reckon The Toon won’t be in the Premier League for much longer.

Prediction: 18th

Norwich – Straight back down

Sorry Norwich. They comfortably won the Championship last season, but they really haven’t done enough in the transfer window to suggest that they’ll be able to cope with the massive difference between the two divisions.

The canaries have had their wings clipped before they even took flight. They’re headed back down.

Prediction: 20th

Sheffield United – Come on Ireland

We’re all rooting for Sheffield United this season in Ireland. They’ve got Callum Robinson, David McGoldrick, Enda Stevens and John Egan all representing the boys in green, but sadly, they’re really going to need the luck of the Irish to stay up.

They play a really expansive brand of football, that will look amazing if it works, but could end in disaster if it doesn’t.

Come on lads.

Prediction: 19th

Southampton – Saints marching in

Southampton are going to surprise a lot of people this year. Coach Ralph Hasenhüttl is a class manager, and will continue to push the lads up the table. We see a lot of upsets happening at St Mary’s this season.

And we’ll be keeping a close eye on both Shane Long and Michael Obafemi, from an Irish perspective too. Up the lads.

Prediction: 12th

Tottenham – Lads, it’s Tottenham

A phrase made famous by Alex Ferguson, referencing Spurs’ lack of bottle and ability back in the day.

Now it means something completely different. “Lads, it’s Tottenham”, means “Lads, they’re probably going to hammer us”. The addition of Ndombele, Lo Celso and Sessegnon to a team that already made the Champions League final and came third means that Spurs aren’t going away any time soon.

Prediction: 3rd

Watford – Plenty of cojones

Troy Deeney once infamously said that Arsenal lacked “cojones”, in a hilarious post-match interview.

This is not an issue that Watford have, and with new signings Danny Welbeck and Ismalia Sarr, Watford fans will have another comfy season in midtable.

Prediction: 10th

West Ham – It’s Hammer Time

West Ham have made some nice improvements on what was already a very solid side.

Declan Rice is getting better and better (annoyingly), and it’s starting to look like West Ham’s signings are genuinely clever purchases. PS, get Sebastian Haller into your fantasy football team.

Prediction: 9th

Wolves – All about Europe

Wolves were everyone’s second favourite team last season. Playing a gorgeous brand of football, with some really exciting players including Ireland’s own Matt Doherty (or Dockerty, as the commentators call him), they managed to get themseleves a spot in the Europa League.

And that should be their priority. They’ll be in the Premier League for the next while, and they will be placing a great emphasis on advancing in Europe. There will be no danger of them going down, but their squad is just that bit too bare to repeat the highs of last season.

Prediction: 11th

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