Where would Premier League teams finish if the standings were based on jersey designs?
Not so long ago, there was an uproar whenever a major English team released a new jersey on a bi-annual basis.
Now, fresh kit is launched every season and the train keeps on rolling. Joe Duffy gets a few phone-calls about it but we’ve heard all the valid points before.
Come Saturday, August 8, football grounds across the country will be crammed with eager, optimistic fans craving glory and kitted out in all the new gear.
Here is our ranking of the 20 Premier League team’s home jerseys.
20th – Norwich
Utterly uninspiring. Norwich are often painted into a corner with their half n’ half colours but they’ve had many, many better efforts than this. Sponsors will be happy. Looks Sunday League.
19th – Everton
Toffees fans stuck in the 1980s will tell you that the collar is a delightful throwback to Graeme Sharp and his ilk. Right-minded individuals would scoff at the design and the peacock/elephant sponsors logo. A thick blue band atop the shorts makes the jersey look even more off-putting.
18th – Swansea
Bland. So bland, in fact that The Swans were forced to light their home pitch on fire to add a bit of pizzazz to their jersey launch. Ugly sponsor’s logo too.
17th – Stoke
So tough to do anything sweeping and memorable with standard red and white stripes. Even the crest has ’em. Stoke’s jerseys have long been middle of the road but their latest effort will, at least, keep the Potters faithful happy.
16th – Sunderland
Slightly better than Stoke’s, with a cleaner presentation of the stripes, a black accents to set it off.
15th – West Brom
This is what Stoke could do with the classic, stripped jersey. Decent effort from West Brom but the garish sponsors logo takes a lot away.
14th – Southampton
Adidas are plonking their logo right in the middle of many jerseys and Southampton get the treatment here. Looks decent on players but a shapeless design will do little for fans picking it up in the club store.
13th – Watford
Looks dreadful on the rack and will probably look worse on you, but the Hornets’ jersey is not too bad in action. Shades of Borussia Dortmund here, with black featuring heavily. Too much black, however. Has been carped by many Watford fans.
12th – Bournemouth
Another jersey that looks better in full flow than on a shop dummy [or laid out on astro turf]. Strong colours to work with, a crest that we love and a nifty collar see The Cherries avoid relegation with ease.
11th – Manchester City
Nike – in their usual, minimalist way – have done an okay job here. Take away their swoosh and sponsors logo and you could almost wear it on a night out. White piping offsets the dominant light blue. Old-school collar with an old-school [slim] slant.
10th – West Ham
Ahead of their move out of the Boleyn Ground [Upton Park], The Hammers are paying homage to their roots. Clean design and a crest and makers logo that is softly accented. Only issue with this is the wide, rounded collar.
9th – Leicester City
Sneakily, Leicester are in our top 10 without doing anything too spectacular. Puma have taken the bold step of placing their logo and the City crest high – something they trialled with the Cameroon national team. It allows the blue speak for itself. Sponsors logo fits in well with the design.
8th – Manchester United
A throwback tribute to the 1980s union between United and the German brand. One look at the collar and you think Robson, Whiteside or Hughes. If the sleeves were three inches shorter and the Chevrolet logo was not such a huge, gold ‘+’ sign, this could have easily topped the charts.
7th – Aston Villa
If we can just get past the fact that neither Fabien Delph or Christian Benteke, who appeared in all the jersey launch photos, will ever wear this jersey in competitive action, Villa have a winner here. The away kit puts it in the shade but Macron have put together an easy-on-the-eye top with a nice collar, muscle-defining sleeves and a prominent crest.
6th – Liverpool
Not the greatest Liverpool home jersey in their history but a solid 7.5/10. Old-school crest and no-nonsense, white logos. Fits in well, overall, with the shorts and socks. Only niggle is the Bronze Age torque around the neck.
5th – Newcastle United
Purists and die-hard Toon fans may disagree but Puma have successfully added a dash of colour to the staid black and white stripes. Just the three stripes too – not need to go nuts. Top work.
4th – Crystal Palace
Yohan Cabaye pinging passes at Selhurts Park in this ode-to-Barcelona number next season – nice work Macron. A sponsorless jersey is available to buy in the club shop [and online] and that is the one we would snatch up… if we were Palace supporters. Kept from a top two by a poor sponsors’ logo.
3rd – Tottenham
Under Armour come up trumps with this daring, slashing take on Spurs’ classic white and navy colours. It is hard to get a Spurs jersey wrong – good colour combo and a great crest – but anyone who remembers the Justin Edinburgh, Stephen Carr, Hewlett Packard era would tell you different.
2nd – Chelsea
Leicester City’s jersey is fine by us but this is what you can do with a predominantly blue geansaí. Patented three-stripes go well with the crisp collar, which few players will button up. Looks nice on players and will prove extremely wearable to fans.
1st – Arsenal
Magnifique! A classy effort from Arsenal and Puma. The collarless collar is en vogue this summer and no club does it better. Red and white in perfect harmony. Gunners supporters may have to request the non-corsetted, super-tight version in the club shop.
Brought to you by Carlsberg, official partners to the Barclay’s Premier League.
