Combined XIs are tough at the best of times, but Group F provides even more of a challenge than usual.
You have a Portugal team that scored just 11 goals in eight qualifying games, an Iceland outfit who are more than the sum of their parts, and the pre-tournament rank outsiders in Hungary.
Luckily the Austrian representatives pick themselves after 28 points from 30 in qualifying, leaving us with this:
Want us to explain ourselves? That seems fair.
Goalkeeper – Gabor Király
Sure, Rui PatrÃcio might be ‘better’ in the traditional sense of the word, but he doesn’t have tracksuit bottoms with his name printed on them.
In fact, as far as we’re aware, he doesn’t have tracksuit bottoms at all. Advantage Király.
What a complete dude pic.twitter.com/uixQpu25s1
— Fisted Away (@fistedaway) June 9, 2016
Right-Back – Vierinha
Portugal have continued their proud tradition of producing seven wingers for every striker as a bare minimum.
This time around, they’ve got so many wingers that they’ve been forced to convert one of them, Vierinha, into a full-back. His inclusion is symbolic, but he’s probably the best out there anyway.
Left-Back – Christian Fuchs
A Premier League winner, Fuchs makes the cut despite the normally unconscionable crime of creating and using his own hashtag.
He could at least have had the good grace to include Shay Given in the #NoFuchsGiven party.
Centre-Backs – Pepe and Aleksandar Dragović
After watching Italy’s masterful display of shithousery against Belgium, how can we not include the master himself?
Pepe – who, let’s not forget, headbutted a man who was sat down during the last World Cup, is partnered by Premier League target and Dragović, who you may remember scoring for and against Chelsea while playing for Dinamo Kyiv in the Champions League.
Pepe is such a bad fucker, we should cherish him while we have him.
— Gene Oliver (@genepoli) May 28, 2016
Central Midfield – Joao Moutinho and David Alaba
Bayern Munich star Alaba has been used predominantly in midfield by Austria, but if he’s played a few seasons under Pep Guardiola he should be comfortable anywhere on the pitch.
Alaba is probably Group F’s stand-out midfielder now, though Moutinho would have claimed that honour in the not-too-distant past. The Portugal man still has enough to take the other midfield berth.
Right Wing – Marko Arnautović
After a season spent proving that the phrase ‘Stoke City flair player’ isn’t an oxymoron, Arnautović has a chance to turn on the style for his country.
The former Inter Milan youngster has the style, experience and (most importantly) haircut to emerge as a real star of the tournament.
Left Wing – Balázs Dzsudzsák
He might not be the player he once was, but Dzsudzsák still has the ability to make something happen for Hungary.
Some five years after linking up with Roberto Carlos and Samuel Eto’o at Anzhi (no, you didn’t imagine that), the former PSV youngster is still the right side of 30 and will come into the tournament fresh after sitting out the end of Bursaspor’s most recent league campaign.
Dzsudzsak vs Romania pic.twitter.com/fI0n6AyP9r
— Tom Mortimer (@TomaszMortimer) June 10, 2016
Attacking Midfield – Gylfi Sigurdsson
We still haven’t been able to work out why Sigurdsson struggled to make an impression at Tottenham, but perhaps he’s one of those players who just works better as the big fish in a smaller pond.
That will certainly be the case for Iceland, and no – that’s not a joke about former domestic champions Stjarnan’s famous goal celebration.
Forward – Cristiano Ronaldo
Sorry, Marc Janko, Kolbeinn Sigthorsson and Adam Szalai.
