A quickly established cycle has emerged around football news in the internet age. It is broadly: Speculation, realisation, giddiness and mockery.
No sense of wonder or excitement can properly take root before cynicism hits. The Banter Express waits for no man, nor do the ‘Word of Caution’ brigade rest on their miserable laurels.
The news that Jurgen Klopp is taking over from Brendan Rodgers at Liverpool is a perfect example.
Whether it be delusion, pessimism, envy, or the need for a new angle that fuels the nay-sayers, it wasn’t long before there was a whole bukkake of clever dicks ready to rain on everyone’s parade.
He is unproven outside Germany. His last season at Borussia Dortmund was a disaster. Look at the Liverpool fans w*nk themselves silly over a new manager again. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Of course, the truth is it is especially easy to laugh at a peculiar section of the Liverpool support.
They paint practically any managerial appointment, purple patch in form, or new star-name signing as the Second Coming.
Timelines and forum boards are awash with flowery prose and mawkish photoshops featuring former greats.
It is quite understandable if less barmy Kopites wish to distance themselves from such premature ejaculators of ‘How doing I am doing boss?’ guff. After all, there’s nothing wrong with tempering excitement with a little bit of healthy reserve.
That said, there is something so irresistible – so ridiculously ideal – about Jurgen Klopp’s impending appointment that giving in to pisstakers and pessimism would be nigh of a criminal.
Every new appointment is a risk. None of us truly know how the German will perform in his new role. He could struggle to come to terms with a new footballing culture; he may not see eye to eye with Liverpool’s infamous transfer committee; he could detest Gerry & The Pacemakers.
But why let a thousand hypotheticals weigh down your glee? Any club appointing Klopp at this stage in his career would and should be as giddy as f**k. There is every possibility that it could be the best thing to happen to Liverpool in years, if not decades.
The 48-year-old ticks so many boxes. He is young, hungry and proven. His footballing style is perfectly attuned to what most English fans perceive to be the ideal: daring, dynamic and swift. He has an infectious passion and natural charisma that exudes from every pore.
Both on and off the field Klopp is pure box-office. And he is so perfect for Liverpool in particular that it’s as if a pair of scallies invented him in a Scouse version of Weird Science.
The Anfield club are competing against rich sugar-daddies and money-spinning behemoths left, right and centre. They start at a clear disadvantage. But here comes Klopp – a man who won Die Borussen back-to-back league titles against the all-conquering might of Bayern Munich.
Liverpool fans crave longevity and have a long-standing obsession with Europe. Klopp took Dortmund to within a hair’s breadth of European glory, and is the longest-serving manager of all-time at his last two clubs. All before he is out of his forties.
Age is as crucial a factor as anything. Sir Alex Ferguson, Fabio Capello, Giovanni Trapattoni and Louis van Gaal are all revered for their what they achieved largely in their middle-age, not so much as senior citizens. Managers peak and fall too.
It is not a game for old men. Even the greats grow staid and conservative. Klopp is hungry, innovative, charming, funny, loyal, driven and hungry. He is everything you want a new manager to be.
If Liverpool supporters aren’t unreservedly delirious about his appointment, they simply don’t deserve good things.
