Two midfielders, a hapless Argentine and one man trying his best.
In 2012/13, Alex Ferguson’s final season, Newcastle went 3-2 up on Manchester United at Old Trafford with 20 minutes on the clock. United came back to win 4-3 after goals from Robin van Persie and Javier Hernandez.
Those three Toon goals meant United had conceded 28 goals in 19 Premier League games. ‘Enough of this,’ thought Ferguson, with the sentiments uttered more colourfully to his team.
United would only win the league by getting their act together at the back. In their next 15 league games they conceded seven goals. Along the way, they kept 10 clean sheets and picked up 38 points out of a possible 45.
Ferguson’s 13th league title was confirmed with a van Persie hat-trick, against Aston Villa, and another clean sheet. Job done; over to you.
On Tuesday night, at Upton Park, the United defence was a shambles.
Louis van Gaal, next man in after ‘chosen one’ David Moyes, set the tone for chaos 24 hours earlier. His team was the smallest in the Premier League, he declared, and West Ham would be taking the aerial route.
Every time Dimitri Payet lined up a set-piece – and United, for some reason, offered him plenty – the fear was redolent. West Ham scored three but they should have had six or seven.
Ferguson naysayers believe he left his successor(s) an ageing squad and one filled with lads waiting on their next pay-cheque. That is true, to a certain extent, but every squad has such chancers. Ferguson left believing Phil Jones and Chris Smalling were the future.
Smalling was there last night and he was the only guy in the back four with a running pulse below 120 b.p.m. Jones was on the bench after being injured or getting there for 60% of his United career.
Daley Blind and Antonio Valencia are competent midfielders asked, for most of this season, to be defenders in a team with title ambitions. Marcos Rojo was atrocious. All three featured in West Ham’s opener.
Smalling snuffed out a through-ball attempt and, as the ball broke to Rojo, he spread his arms to signal there was no threat; no rush. Heeding no-one, Rojo hoofed a 30-yard ball straight to a claret and blue jersey.
Payet dragged Valencia out of position and a nicely weighted Aaron Creswell through-ball got Manuel Lanzini in behind the scattered back four. Diafra Sakho was Blind’s man and the Dutchman had a bead on him.
Blind then lost sight of his man as – not for the first, second or eighteenth time this season – he went after the ball. A jag towards the near post was halted as Lanzini pulled the ball back. Blind’s decision cost him the vital second and Sakho’s decision to strike first time saw United 1-0 down after nine minutes.
For the next hour, United eeked and nudged themselves back into the game. Anthony Martial came to the rescue and got his team 2-1 up.
What a run from Martial! Goal and Man Utd lead 2-1. Randolph was poor there tbh, beaten at his near post!
— SportsJOE (@SportsJOEdotie) May 10, 2016
West Ham duly responded by upping the ante. Ander Herrera lost the run of himself and starting chopping legs. Payet’s free-kick was blocked by the wall but he got another chance to hook a ball into the box.
Sakho was Blind’s man and by drifting into the box with him, he played Michail Antonio onside. Valencia was playing a higher line and it was too late to do anything about it. If anything sums up United’s defensive travails, this season, it is this picture:
Eerily familiar to the 3-2 collapse at Wolfsburg.
At this stage, United were level at 2-2. Then, another foolish free-kick was conceded and Payet stepped up. Blind, a quivering mess by now, was paired up with Winston Reid. 5’11’ versus 6’3″ of the North Shore’s finest.
The height difference would not be so much of a difference if Blind had actually decided to mark Reid instead of hovering on his own at the edge of the box.
One imagines Blind’s thoughts were a blur of Dutch curse words as the ball descended exactly where Payet wanted it to descend to – just outside the six yard box and Reid’s awaiting forehead.
Too late for the party but caught on camera trying to sneak in.
David De Gea will be unhappy with himself that he could not keep the header out. Up to this point, he had been largely responsible for United being in with a Champions League chance so he gets a pass.
Champions League qualification will require Manchester City to lose to Swansea. Even still, United would need to beat Bournemouth at Old Trafford.
With this United side, nothing is guaranteed.
17 points off Leicester City with a game to go. There is no defence for that.
