Number one: We’re fed up hearing about this debate. Number two: this would be class.
So let’s quit the nonsense and get these eight Premier League stars in an end-of-season battle royale – or just a race, like.
If you want to find out who the fastest Premier League player is, you can read approximately 900 different lists comprising of different sort of stats and averages and anything else you need to somehow shoehorn Phil Jagielka into a top 20.
But what if, once and for all, every club just put forward a representative, one day after the league had finished (no-one needs to worry about the Champions League after all). Arsenal would of course have to nominate two after sprinter Richard Kilty called out both Bellerin and Walcott.
This is the sort of the final we’d love to see between some of the league’s speedsters.
Gael Clichy
He’d probably not bother so much about the running as he would sliding into the next lane to take the legs from someone. As long as it was early in the race though, he’d probably get away with it. Good refereeing.
Eden Hazard
The like of Ramires or Willian would feel hard done by for not getting chosen but he’s the only Chelsea player who could come along because, after all, he’s the only Chelsea player who isn’t completely controlled by Jose.
Gabby Agbonlahor
Theo Walcott
He seems to be the one who starts these conversations all the time. Well, we’re hardly going to talk about his football, are we?
Hector Bellerin
He’s faster than Usain Bolt. Over 40 metres. With a flying start. And Bolt starting from the blocks.
Antonio Valencia
We still refuse to believe that Chris Smalling is United’s fastest player. Sorry, it’s not happening.
Raheem Sterling
We’ve never seen a man run quicker. From contract talks.
John O’Shea
Now that would be one hell of a sight.
