Kolo Toure’s excuse for avoiding a driving ban is absolute genius

As excuses go, it's as shoddy as his man marking

The next cheque that comes into Kolo Toure's bank account should be a reality one after wild claims about why he should be spared from a driving ban in court. The Liverpool man was caught speeding twice in April and May of last year, but his lawyer pleaded with the court not to enforce a driving ban for the offences. Why you may ask should Kolo Toure be treated differently to anyone else? Because he's a very rich footballer? Because he shouldn't have to mix with the great unwashed? No, because he could be pushed under a train because he's so well known. Toure's lawyer, Lisa Wilson, told the court:

 'Using public transport like buses or trains often leads to a surge of people which is a safety issue to him and the public. If that happened on the train track, someone could be pushed under a train by accident, or under cars on the roads.'

We could understand if it was Liverpool fans looking to push Iago Aspas or Mario Balotelli  under a train but we're fairly sure Kolo would be OK. The court fined Toure over €1000 for the offences, and he received eight penalty points. It was explained that Toure was caught speeding while being the primary carer for his brother Ibrahim who was terminally ill in a hospital in Manchester. Ibrahim sadly passed away last summer while Kolo and his brother Yaya were playing for the Ivory Coast at the World Cup in Brazil.