Peter Schmeichel has been so bored by Manchester United this season he has taken to playing golf dressed as one of the Stone Roses.
Perhaps the former goalkeeper was celebrating the release of the Mancunians’ new single ‘All for One’ by wearing this hat, or maybe he has found the football at Old Trafford so stultifying that he just needs a creative release.
“Manchester United – a club that I love and have followed since I was a kid – have bored me to death this season,” the great Dane told Sky Sports News.
“We are one of those clubs that has been dragged in completely the wrong direction. We never used to play football the way we play now. We never played for 1-0 and then defend. We always went for the second goal and the third.
“All the hard work that Sir Alex put in to recover what was there from Sir Matt Busby has been undone in a very short period of time. I, as a fan, want to be winning but to entertain equally as much too. I want exciting players.”
Thank heavens therefore for the release Schmeichel has been able to enjoy down the A6 at the King Power Stadium, where his son Kasper was busy winning the most thrilling Premier League title in history with plucky little Leicester City.
Whenever Manchester United’s slow, goal-shy, sideways-passing, possession-obsessed, ineffective football became too much for Schmeichel he could head to the East Midlands and get his fix of swashbuckling, fast-paced, counter-attacking, fairytale football at his son’s place of work.
Also, from the dugout to the pitch Leicester are just more craic than United, aren’t they? That’s why Peter was in the King Power, Instagramming away to his heart’s content after the 3-1 coronation defeat of Everton?
You can go through the two squads. There is no doubt which one Schmeichel would want to hang out with.
Kasper Schmeichel v David de Gea?
The Spaniard has been Manchester United best player since Alex Ferguson left and seems to bear his cross with a certain level of class. But Kasper is Schmeichel’s son so… a narrow victory for Leicester.
Danny Simpson v Cameron Borthwick-Jackson
This might be United’s one win. The Manchester youngster has displayed balls of steel this season, especially when sitting at a bus window as West Ham fans hurled bottles at the window. Meanwhile Simpson was turning up for community service driving a white Lamborghini after being convicted of assaulting his ex-girlfriend.
Chris Smalling v Wes Morgan
Another United player to cover himself with glory in Jesse Lingard’s bus video, and he seems like a very professional, dedicated young man. However it’s hard to compete with the most unlikely Premier League winning captain, who went to the cinema instead of watching Spurs matches and now has his own limited edition rum.
Daley Blind v Robert Huth
Huth is hewn from the same funny German granite as Thomas Muller, which he displayed brilliantly when he took the piss out of John Terry on John Terry. A man he won two league titles alongside at Chelsea. Blind is grand.
Going full John Terry today!! #fullkit #LCFC
— robert huth (@robert_huth) May 7, 2016
Christian Fuchs v Marcos Rojo
Rojo’s season started with him missing a pre-season friendly as he forgot to renew his passport. Meanwhile, over in the land of No Fuchs Given, the mad Austrian is hopping back and forth over the Atlantic to see his New York-based family, while still finding time to crack eggs on Jamie Vardy’s head and generally being a hedonistic Austrian.
Riyad Mahrez v Jesse Lingard
Mahrez could spend the day teaching you dummies and mad skillz. Lingard could post them to Snapchat for you.
Danny Drinkwater v Michael Carrick
Drinkwater left Manchester United partly because he saw the likes of Carrick barring his entry to the first team. That sort of bitterness, turned into something glorious like an unlikely league title, can make for great shite talk over a few pints.
N’Golo Kante v Bastian Schweinsteiger
Kante is so modest he drives a Mini and almost refused to take his turn lifting the Premier League trophy. We may be doing him a disservice, but we reckon Schweini spends a lot of his free time complaining about injuries and English food.
Marc Albrighton v Anthony Martial
Too much too young can be a real issue. It’s why good-looking, popular secondary school students often become dull adults (so we’re told). Martial, the world’s most expensive teenager, has not had the chance to develop yet. Being rejected by your useless boyhood club like Albrighton is character building, if nothing else.
Shinji Okazaki v Wayne Rooney
The Japanese attacker has fairly basic English and… Nah, that’s not fair. The Leicester man is always smiling, while Rooney, with the weight of the England and United captaincies on his shoulders, doesn’t seem the carefree scamp of years gone by.
CHAMPIONS!!!! pic.twitter.com/pFtvo5XUNx
— Christian Fuchs (@FuchsOfficial) May 2, 2016
Jamie Vardy v Marcus Rashford
Life experience, you can’t buy that. While Rashford has been thrust into the public consciousness at a very young age, Vardy has been rejected by Sheffield Wednesday, played non league, got in a bar fight, worn an electronic tag, chatted shit, got banged and won the Premier League.
If that is not enough, he is having a party in his giant house with its giant candles and giant TV.
Claudio Ranieri v Louis van Gaal
The Leicester manager flies to Rome to have lunch with his Ma when the rest of the world is bricking it about Spurs-Chelsea and then celebrates with a tear in his eye while his buddy Andrea Bocelli blasts out the tunes to as capacity King Power.
Louis, meanwhile, is scribbling on his clipboard, slapping Ryan Giggs in the head and abusing overweight journalists.
Let’s call that last one a draw, but still, you can see why Peter has been swayed.
