‘Tis the season to be jolly. Well, if you’re Chelsea anyway.
We love a good Christmas classic at SportsJOE Towers. Considering the place is infested with Villa and Spurs fans, plus a smattering of Arsenal and Liverpool supporters, it’s the only thing getting us through another harsh winter.
So which Christmas song best describes each Premier League team these holidays?
Arsenal
Last Christmas
“Last Christmas, we were top of the league but the very next month, we gave it away.
“This year, to save us from tears, we’ll not even bother trying.”
It goes something like that, right?
Aston Villa
Mad World
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4
Depressing.
Burnley
Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
Burnley are starting to peak out of the trenches and the air smells good.
Chelsea
It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Tommy Tiernan springs to mind. “Here he comes… the happy f**ker.”
Crystal Palace
Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)
The Londoners are mad pining after Tony Pulis. “I remember when you were here and all the fun we had last year.” Things look bleak without him.
Everton
Step Into Christmas
Well, they’re going to need to, otherwise they’re done for. Everton are just two points above Villa. Roberto Martinez has spoken about how important the Christmas period is because 15 points are up for grabs in two and a half weeks. They need a pile of those if they really do have ambitions of pushing on.
Hull City
Mr Blobby
It had its stint at the top but, you know, does it really belong?
Leicester City
The Millenium Prayer
Probably a good idea.
Liverpool
Lonely This Christmas
Without Suarez to hold, it will be lonely and cold. Brendan Rodgers is already feeling the after-effects of life without that world class player he once said the team didn’t rely on. We haven’t even reached Christmas and a would-be title challenge is nothing more than the brunt of a worn-out joke. Christmas will be depressing this year.
Manchester City
Fairytale of New York
Man City are just one result off the top of the league they won last year. And a lot of it is thanks to a little magic from their fairytale import from New York City. The Frank Lampard story continues.
Manchester United
Saviour’s Day
Louis van Gaal is rescuing another mammoth project from the depths of despair. He steered the ship miraculously around with Bayern and he’s starting to do the same at Old Trafford. He’ll probably ask that he’s referred to as The Saviour if he pulls it off again this time.
Newcastle United
Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)
Come on, Alan. You’re on the straight and narrow now. We’re beginning to trust you again. Don’t fall off the wagon. Don’t ruin Christmas.
Queens Park Rangers
Driving Home for Christmas
Sick of the road, sick of the travelling. The only place Hazza wants to be is at Loftus Road. No Premier League win away from home since March 2013. Enjoy your home comforts for Christmas. A trip to the Emirates on Boxing Day is only a day away.
Southampton
Blue Christmas
Remember when Southampton were second? Remember when they were top four material? It’s gone, lads. And it’s going to be a blue, blue Christmas just thinking about it.
Stoke City
Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight)
But, you know, we’ll be ready to go again tomorrow for the Boxing Day match…
Sunderland
I Have Forgiven Jesus
Things looked a bit ropey up on Wearside there for a while. That’ll happen when you invite in all sorts of chaos into your life, this one in the form of Paolo Di Canio. Sunderland pulled off the great escape though from the plunging lows they were in this time last year and the messiah-like Gus Poyet is making them believe again. (That they can stay up more regularly…)
Swansea City
Silent Night
All quiet on the Premier League’s western front. Yet again, Swansea are in no trouble of going down and they’re certainly in no danger of pushing on.
Tottenham Hotspur
All I Want For Christmas Is You
And you. And you. And you. That seems to be the mantra anyway as, once again, Spurs find themselves short of where they want to be. Don’t worry, they lag behind only Chelsea and Man City when it comes to January spending so they’re probably already drawing up another wishlist for Santa.
West Bromwich Albion
Funky, Funky Xmas
Absolute pants.
West Ham United
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
When you’ve woken up in the middle of the night, you’re not quite in full control of all of your senses, you’re tired and confused and not sure exactly what is going on or if what you’ve seen is actually dream or not. What the hell is going on?
