“My eyes… it burns!”
Wycombe Wanderers released their brand new goalkeeper jersey on Thursday morning and although it has that famous Irish O’Neills touch to it, it’s colourful, very colourful.
It’s not the first ‘keeper jersey and it certainly won’t be the last to display some bizarre colours and patterns splattered all over it.
Apparently, there’s even some sort of science behind having a colourful goalkeeper’s jersey that makes a ‘keeper look larger when one-on-one with a striker.
The Wycombe jersey is something of an eyesore, but we’ve seen worse. If you were bearing down on goal and came across these, you wouldn’t be able to see never mind score.
Huddersfield Town 1993-’94
God bless the ’90s.
Huddersfield Town’s ‘keeper, Kevin Blackwell, was forced to wear this abomination which looks like it’s been created on Microsoft Paint by a four-year-old.
Blackwell had a plethora of clubs, 12 to be precise, and after a few managerial spells at Leeds United and Sheffield Town he has now found his calling as assistant manager at Cardiff City.
Mexico 1994 World Cup
Ah, the brilliant Jorge Campos.
Campos loved to design his own kits and we assume that he did it while blindfolded. He’s tried his best to get all the colours of the rainbow in there.
His Mexican side was in the same group as the Republic of Ireland in 1994 and it’s no wonder we lost 2-1. All this fucker’s fault.
Japan 1997
You might remember Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi from his time at Portsmouth. Yoshi captained the Japanese Football team and was between the sticks for his country for 13 years.
He may have been a great servant to Japan but that doesn’t excuse the shirt.
Japan 1998 World Cup
…and if you thought that last effort was bad…
Side note: He did keep a clean sheet against Brazil so fair play for that Yoshi.
Newcastle 1995-’96
Shaka Hislop models an absolute abomination from the era of Newcastle United’s nearly-men and Kevin Keegan’s ‘I would love it if we beat them!’ meltdown.
Russia 1995
Dmitri Kharine is pictured below looking tough before the start of the European Championship qualifier against Finland but how he could keep a straight face wearing that hideous thing is beyond us…
What’s worse, how did the good people of Reebok let this out the door without someone thinking ‘ara lads, this is piss poor.’
Blackburn Rovers 1993-’94
Jack Walker bought Rovers midway through the 1990-’91 season. The club was struggling in the relegation zone of the old Division One and looked doomed.
Walker pumped millions into the club, picking them up off the floor and propelling them to the Promised Land. They were crowned champions in 1995 which just goes to show you that money can buy you happiness… but it can’t buy you a good ‘keeper jersey as modelled by Tim Flowers.
Everton 2011-’12
You’d think that a camouflage jersey would be ideal between the sticks. You’d blend into the background and surprise your opposition last minute when you jump out and save the ball.
Sadly, Tim Howard did not blend into his surroundings, even though we’d say he wanted to disappear fairly lively after wearing this.
Aston Villa 1994-’95
Word to your Müller. Nigel Spink spent nearly 20 years in goal for Aston Villa. He owes the club nothing, the least they could have given him was a decent shirt.
The former England goalkeeper made 361 appearances for Villa and was 38-years-old when he was forced into this ridiculous looking jersey.
No wonder he left the club just a year later…
