If you were building the perfect player from scratch, what attributes would he possess?
Lionel Messi’s dribbling? Ronaldo’s finishing? Cristiano Ronaldo’s athleticism? Xavi’s brain? Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s ability to score spectacular goals?
Luis Suarez’s movement? Zinedine Zidane’s balance? Xabi Alonso’s passing? Andrea Pirlo’s beard?
Pirlo?
We’ve attempted to create the ultimate Irish footballer, using attributes from the great, and not so great, Ireland players of past and present.
From John Giles’ brain, to Robbie Keane’s movement to Gary Doherty’s versatility, if only Martin O’Neill had this player in his squad.
Paul McGrath – Heart
As John Giles would say, the starting point for any great player is “honesty of effort.” The great man may have said this at least once per broadcast on RTE over the past 29 years, but it still rings true, and no Irish player showed more heart than Paul McGrath.
The former defender’s demons have been well documented, and only serve to further highlight how extraordinary his feats in a green shirt were.
McGrath’s most famous performance for Ireland came against Italy in the World Cup in 1994. The then 34-year-old Aston Villa defender was only half-fit, couldn’t raise his left arm above his shoulder, and was cursed with chronic knee trouble, yet still managed to keep Roberto Baggio in his pocket as Ireland won 1-0.
McGrath could expertly read the game, and played at right-back and centre midfield during the Chalton era before reverting to his most natural position at centre back.
Terry Venables rates McGrath alongside Franco Baresi and Paolo Maldini as one of the finest defenders ever to play the game. But if there was one quality Irish fans will remember him for it was his heart and effort. Very honourable mentions to Richard Dunne and Kevin Moran.
Liam Brady – Technical ability
OK, so effort is guaranteed, but can this footballer actually play? We’ve given him Liam Brady’s technical ability, so yes, he definitely can.
For the younger generation of Irish football fans, Brady is sometime grumpy member of RTE’s football panel, but older fans will remember arguably the most talented player to play for Ireland.
Brady was blessed with a wonderful left foot, a Paul Scholes-esque range of passing and was a gifted dribbler.
A supremely talented and intelligent player, who was so good he played for Juventus for two years between 1980 and 1982, winning two Serie A titles, at a time when the Italian league was the pinnacle of world football.
@Arsenal Liam Brady. 1978. Exhibit A. https://t.co/6ETGR7AG8U
— B Larsen | Arsenal + Celtics (@BLarsenAFC1886) June 11, 2015
The modern equivalent, of a Dubliner playing at such a level, would be Glenn Whelan playing for Barcelona.
Let that image sink in.
John Giles – Brain
The majority of you reading this may have seen John Giles play, but he was a cultured, aggressive midfielder, two-footed, with an innate ability to read and dictate play, and an eye for goal – the most gifted player in a highly successful Leeds team for over ten years.
Matt Busby would later say allowing the Dubliner leave Manchester United was his greatest mistake. Giles retains a keen ability to read and dissect a game.
Roy Keane – Leadership
The Champions League semi-final second leg is always referred to as Roy Keane’s greatest performance. However, it could be argued his performances over the 2002 World Cup qualification campaign surpassed that night in Turin.
In the games against Portugal, the Netherlands and Cyprus, the Corkman was the outstanding player on display. Keane dragged the Irish team to the tournament.
Jason McAteer’s goal against Holland at Lansdowne Road in 2001 came after Keane won the ball in midfield, beat a man and surged forward, committing the Dutch players and raising the intensity in the old stadium.
Keane was a fine footballer, but his ferocious drive and leadership qualities remain his most distinctive qualities as a player.
Robbie Keane – Movement/Finishing
No-one will ever surpass Robbie Keane’s Ireland goalscoring record, and few will ever possess better movement. Gordon Strachan said he’d “never seen anything like it” when he managed Keane at Coventry City.
Keane’s incredible goalscoring record for Ireland isn’t a by-product of being a guaranteed starter for over 15 years. It’s the result of the striker’s intelligence, finishing and wonderful movement and it’s no accident that he always seems to be in the right place at the right time.
David O’Leary – Classy playing style
For all the qualities this player we’re building already possesses, it helps if he looks good on the pitch. Aesthetics play an important part when fans judge players.
For example, criticism of Manchester City defender Martin Demichelis’ seemed to dissipate around the time he cut off his pony-tail, while Phil Jones will probably never be taken serious as long as he resembles Gollum from The Lord of the Rings when defending.
Whether it’s right or not, how a footballer looks when playing directly feeds into how they’re perceived. So our ultimate Irish footballer would possess David O’Leary’s classy playing style.
The former Arsenal defender was tall, fast, and comfortable in possession, reminiscent of the archetypal elegant continental centre-half. He was also cool under pressure.
Damien Duff – Dribbling
When fans speak of Jose Mourinho’s first great Chelsea team, Damien Duff and Arjen Robben are always referenced. In the 2004/05 season, few wingers in Europe were better than the Dubliner.
Duff was an excellent dribbler, possessed fantastic close control and an unnerving ability to beat his man. The winger was Ireland’s best player at the World Cup in 2002, and among the best players in the Premier League for the first half of the noughties.
Shane Long – Pace
If only Shane Long possessed Robbie Keane’s goalscoring instincts we’d have one of the world’s great strikers on our hands. Long is lightning fast though, covers a lot of ground and is a nuisance to opposition defenders.
Gary Doherty – Versatility
Gary Doherty played both centre-half and centre-forward for Ireland. By Irish standards, he’s essentially Lothar Matthaus.
Ian Harte – Set-piece delivery
Usually when someone says that if a player was stripped of their best attribute they’d plummet down the football ladder, it’s meant as an insult. For example, the idea that Theo Walcott would be a non-league player if he wasn’t so fast.
However, it’s not meant as an insult to say Ian Harte wouldn’t have played half as many games as he did for Ireland if he weren’t for his left foot. The defender was that lethal over a dead ball.
Harte scored 12 goals in 63 appearances for Ireland, and has 97 goals over a 19 year career. Not bad for a left-back.
https://twitter.com/WALMOT3/status/617346218767851520
Denis Irwin – Consistency
It’s a cliché at this point, but Denis ‘Mr Reliable’ Irwin always gave an ‘eight out of 10’ performance’. It’s difficult to remember a game in which the defender underperformed. Mostly because, such a game doesn’t exist.
Don’t bother telling us about a poor game Irwin had, because you’re mistaken. The Corkman was ultra-dependable, and an excellent footballer.
Consistency is often cited as what separates great players from very good footballers. The difference, among other things, between Cristiano Ronaldo and Nani or John Terry and David Luiz.
Possessing all the aforementioned attributes won’t count for as much without an ability to produce on a regular basis, something Irwin done over his entire career.
Ronnie Whelan – Spectacular goals
Ronnie Whelan was an all-round midfielder for Liverpool during their most dominant era. The Dubliner won six league titles, a European Cup, two FA Cups and three League Cups over 15 years at Anfield.
A strong tackler, excellent at reading the game and a wonderful passer, Whelan could be included in this for a number of qualities, but we’ve opted for his propensity to score brilliant goals.
There was the best/only scissors kick in the history of Irish football.
This curled effort in the League Cup final in 1983.
A cracking goal, again against Manchester United, in the FA Cup semi-final in 1985.
And Ronnie even scored spectacular own-goals.
Niall Quinn – Heading
As we’re only creating one ultimate Irish footballer, chances are his teammates would still launch the ball long. So we’ve given our player Niall Quinn’s heading ability.
Eamon Dunphy once said that Kevin Kilbane’s “head is better than his feet. If only he had three heads, one on the end of each leg.”
Something similar applied to Quinn.
Ray Houghton – Big game player
Stuttgart in 1988, Giants’ Stadium in ’94, Ray Houghton was the man for the big occasion, putting the ball in both the English and the Italians’ net, securing Ireland’s most famous wins.
Showing up for the big games is the litmus test of any great player. With Houghton’s big game mentality, our ultimate Irish footballer wouldn’t have any trouble on a rainy Tuesday night in Stoke.
Tony Cascarino – Opportunism
Tony Cascarino played for Ireland for 14 years, making 88 appearances and scoring 19 goals.
The striker later admitted in his autobiography he found out, after a few years playing for Ireland, that he wasn’t actually eligible to play for the country.
One could look down on this, but football’s not for the faint hearted, and a ruthless streak will get you far.
Paul McShane – Social media game
A list of great Irish players wouldn’t be complete without a nod to the “Ginger Maldini”, however Paul McShane adds to our ultimate Irish player for his non-playing exploits.
We live in the post-modern, digital age, where the majority of our social interaction comes via social media. He may not ever be a contender for the Ballon d’Or, but McShane’s social media game is strong.
Howya twitter! Bare with me cuz I'm about to launch my phone out the window. Need to turn off vibrate! Glad to have joined the team. Hashtag
— Paul McShane (@pmacca15) July 20, 2014
https://instagram.com/p/3UYmtdj_Cl/?taken-by=pmacca15
Here we go, all ready for Halloween now… pic.twitter.com/Q1NumsoeOq
— Paul McShane (@pmacca15) October 31, 2014
This fella just checked his phone, he's got 2 missed calls of Ronald McDonald, he wants his shoes back @sonealuko pic.twitter.com/EEknSpvjj7
— Paul McShane (@pmacca15) October 27, 2014
Every time I come home my ma thinks I'm 8 years of age. Love her to bits! #Batman #mammysboy pic.twitter.com/BomKbmvUnw
— Paul McShane (@pmacca15) October 19, 2014
@pmacca15 for me, is the type of guy where if you caught him in bed with your misses, you tuck him in and see if he requires anything
— Robbie Newman (@RobbieNewman95) May 28, 2015
