It hasn’t been a vintage Premier League season, but it’s still been full of incident and talking points.
From magical pigeons, to conspiracy theories, the angriest fan in the world, to the greatest Jose Mourinho rant ever and a perpetually confused Paul Merson, here’s our A to Z of the Premier League moments you’re unlikely to find in any season highlights showreel.
A for Angry Arsenal fan
Meet Claude the Gooner. He supports Arsenal, and he gets angry. Very angry. But then you probably knew that, because angry fans are famous these days.
Claude has previous, and we doubt this was the first time his Christmas was ruined by a football result. He clearly loves Arsenal, and what better way to express that then by being very angry and arguing with others who also love the club?
B for Bottler
Cesc Fabregas is an assist machine, but he’s definitely not a midfield general in the mould of Graeme Souness, Roy Keane or Patrick Vieira. After Seamus Coleman scored an unfortunate own goal, Diego Costa goaded the Irishman, which didn’t go down well with goalkeeper Tim Howard.
As the Chelsea players celebrated, the Everton ‘keeper ran towards Costa to make his feelings known. Fabregas, upon seeing the angry Howard turned on his heels and walked towards the ball, noticeably avoiding the conflict.
As his red card at West Brom proved, Fabregas is more of a sniper than a scrapper.
C for Costa Crimes
Jose Mourinho’s anger towards a perceived Sky Sports bias against his side reached it’s peak when he appeared on the station’s Goals on Sunday show in March. Poor Chris Kamara hasn’t been the same since.
Mourinho took issue with a caption titled ‘Costa Crimes’ on a reel of footage showing Chelsea striker Diego Costa appearing to stamp on Liverpool players, during half-time of the League Cup semi-final.
Mourinho was mad as hell, and he wasn’t going to take it any more. It was also the most entertaining part of Chelsea’s season.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVxgk77QgcE
D for Dutch courage
“Hello, hello, pay attention to the manager!”
https://twitter.com/BBCSporf/status/600789188317962242
“And I said ‘YESSS!’ ‘We GO for it!”
So it seems that Louis Van Gaal is getting into the spirit of Man U's end of season awards do… https://t.co/i1h0nJuxPt
— Daniel McDonnell (@McDonnellDan) May 19, 2015
“I have seen a lady who plays the saxophone fantastically, give her a big applause.”
Just take a moment to imagine the reaction if David Moyes said these things during a speech while Manchester United manager.
Louis van Gaal’s speech at the club’s end of season awards was like the best best man’s speech you’ve ever heard, plus Al Pacino’s speech in Any Given Sunday… times ten.
Okay, so that might be a bit of exaggeration, but Van Gaal’s speech was pretty special. And for those who think the speech was improvised, we’ve a feeling Louis had been preparing for some time.
Van Gaal spotted carrying 'wine leaflet' among notes for Manchester United win http://t.co/ytEQj8z71G #MUFC pic.twitter.com/1Xh0ziYVip
— Indy Football (@IndyFootball) May 10, 2015
E for Evacuation
The fire alarm went off, Soccer Saturday studios were evacuated, Tony Pulis played on loop and Twitter went into overdrive. When Jeff and the lads reappeared major bants and LOLs were had.
F for Fight, Fight, Fight
Steve Bruce v Gus Poyet > Mayweather v Pacquiao.
https://twitter.com/marathonbet/status/573445924443136001
G for (not a) Gilet
The return of Tim Sherwood meant the return of his trademark gilet, or did it? When his side equalised against West Brom, the new Aston Villa manager was so happy/angry/Sherwood he tore off his gilet and threw it to the ground.
https://twitter.com/amadoit/status/585516781848109058
But, when he was questioned after the game, about throwing his gilet to the ground, Sherwood corrected the interviewer, telling him: “It wasn’t a gilet, it’s a coat.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG6bxeF0rGc
Exactly, Tim would never throw a good gilet on the ground.
H for Henry’s punditry
Thierry Henry hasn’t made a smooth transition from the pitch to the TV studio. The Sky Sports pundit is earning an eye-watering amount to wear trendy suits, watch football and, so far, say little of note.
Initially the Frenchman was considered boring, and when Henry did eventually say something interesting, criticising Javier Hernandez for not celebrating with Cristiano Ronaldo, the former Arsenal striker was widely slated.
A big improvement will be expected next season.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmD-_k7evII
I for “I still feel I’m the best coach in the Premier League”
Who knows? None of us have ever been coached by the John Carver, maybe he is the best in the Premier League. Were his claims so laughable?
Two wins in 18 games would suggest that yes, yes they were.
Everyone's down on poor John Carver but I've got a lot to thank him for…he's making me look like Bob Paisley 😂😂
— Alan Shearer (@alanshearer) May 17, 2015
J for The Phil Jones guide to defending
Alex Ferguson once said Phil Jones could be the best player to ever feature for Manchester United, a claim that looks even more bonkers with each passing game. In fact, if anyone other than Ferguson had made such a statement, they could expect a visit from men in white coats.
While Jones won’t be the best player to ever line-out for the Red Devils, he does at least have a, err, unique style of defending, best exemplified by his header against Arsenal in United’s last home game of the season.
This is peak Phil Jones.
Phil Jones defensive masterclass #mufc #jones https://t.co/7EMtp3tMME
— Coaching Badges (@coachingbadges) May 18, 2015
Jones may not end up as a United great, but a career as a Hollywood stuntman/motion capture actor beckons.
Gollum channelling his inner Phil Jones. https://t.co/XeZXvyM37q
— Kristian (@vonstrenginho) May 17, 2015
K for Keys’ conspiracies
Richard Keys’ blog is the best thing on the internet, There, we said it. Get your tinfoil hat ready, because the former Sky Sports presenter is a fan of a conspiracy theories. Or, as he calls it, ‘the truth’.
Keys warns his readers of numerous dark forces at play in the world of football and broadcasting. The beIN Sports presenter this season claimed that Steven Gerrard is the victim of a Brendan Rodgers plot that drove him out of Liverpool, his former Sky colleague Jamie Redknapp is ‘hothead‘ and that Jamie Carragher doesn’t control his own Twitter account.
Keys should really be writing for a HBO series.
Thank you for all the interest. Keep following and I'll keep telling you the truth.
— Richard Keys (@richardajkeys) April 2, 2015
L for Lookalike
Gary Neville is a busy man. He’s the leading Premier League pundit, a businessman and England national team coach. On top of all that he still finds the time to play for the England U-20 rugby union side. Serious dedication.
What about @GNev2 playing 9 for the English 20s #comeonireland pic.twitter.com/HABoWFvNQI
— Denis Fogarty (@denisfogs) February 27, 2015
M for the Merse code
Paul Merson is famous for gaffes and producing head-scratching quotes and this season was no different. The former Arsenal midfielder used the most Merse analogy possible to describe Manchester United and was the world’s most relieved man after dodging a question featuring the word “inertia“.
He also produced this strangely hypnotic vine.
Yeah, us neither.
N for No dressing room selfies
Jamie Carragher couldn’t understand why Arsenal players took a dressing room selfie after beating Manchester City at the Etihad in January. In fact, he was fully wound up by it. The Monday Night Football pundit, and former Liverpool defender, said such pictures should be reserved for when sides actually win a trophy.
And Carra got another dig in at the Gunners when he posted this after the show.
This is for the MNF fans – we couldn't have done it without you. One for the mantle piece!! pic.twitter.com/ge8U9E4dCK
— Jamie Carragher (@Carra23) January 19, 2015
Paul Scholes was another former pro who railed against the evils of the dressing room selfies.
O for Ostrich
“If you don’t know the answer to that question then I think you are an ostrich.” – This may end up being inscribed on Nigel Pearson’s headstone. No matter what else he does in football, he’ll always be remembered as the manager who called a journalist “an ostrich.”
He also wrestled Crystal Palace midfielder James McArthur to the ground on the touchline and told a Leicester fan to ‘f**k off and die’ so it’s fair to say that 2014/15 was Pearson’s moment. Good man Nige.
P for Wenger Pushing Mourinho
Arsene Wenger must have been waiting years to do this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tRnYzonUJs
Q is for Quote of the season
There’s a few contenders for this accolade, but we’re going for Hull City boss Steve Bruce’s reaction to Joey Barton getting sent-off against his side for a flicked, if tame, jab at Tom Huddlestone.
Steve Bruce: "You can't be punching people in the knackers can you?" #hcafc
— Philip Buckingham (@PJBuckingham) February 21, 2015
Wise words from Brucie.
R for Rodgers’ new nickname
An unlikely bromance developed this season between Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers and musician Noel Gallagher. The former Oasis guitarist was on Match of the Day 2 and repeatedly called the Liverpool manager ‘The Brodge‘.
The Manchester City fan’s soft spot for ‘The Brodge’ resurfaced in an interview on Sky’s Soccer AM, when Gallagher claimed Rodgers could on course to take a ‘big job‘ at City.
When Rodgers was asked about Gallagher’s nickname for him, he responded amiably, saying he was a big fan of his music. This has all the ingredients of a Rom-Com.
S for Surprising Stats
Shane Long comparable to Luis Suarez? Richard Dunne is the best Irish player in the Premier League? Phil Jones is the best young defender in the world?
It’s been said that statistics can prove anything, and when they somehow prove Victor Moses is one of the best players in the Premier League, we’re inclined to agree.
T for Terrible seats
As it becomes more and more expensive to go to Premier League games, and ticket prices unlikely to fall any time soon, you’d expect fans to at least have a good view of the action they had to sell an organ to see. Well, not at every ground. These are some of the worst views in Premier League grounds.
https://twitter.com/mason77aj/status/587692510618738688
@premierleague @FA @QPRFC £38 ticket in away end at loftus road! #Robbery pic.twitter.com/tWBODasp2p
— Sam White (@samualwhite) February 7, 2015
Liverpool fans view today at Goodison Park. pic.twitter.com/n5JajM5fPA
— Worst Seats In Footy (@BadFootballView) November 23, 2013
U for Unbelievable Jeff
187 years into his Soccer Saturday career and Chris Kamara (still) can’t believe it.
V for Van Gaal press conferences
The journalists covering Manchester United are well used to eventful press conferences and frank exchanges with the team’s manager. Alex Ferguson once told them: “Youse are all f***in’ idiots”, after Juan Sebastian Veron’s performances were criticised in 2002.
Louis van Gaal hasn’t gone that far this season, but he’s still had a few run-ins with the media, including this one with an Irish journalist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6UnqnvkOjI#t=78
Van Gaal also confused Michael Carrick with a vegetable.
https://twitter.com/BBCSporf/status/589408674440937472
And earlier this season, Van Gaal went full Rafa Benitez when responding to Sam Allardyce’s comments about United’s direct tactics. The West Ham manager called United a ‘long ball’ side and the Dutchman produced a dossier at his next press conference to set everyone straight.
The United manager claimed his side was playing long passes, not long balls, and told the journalist to take the dossier to ‘Big Sam’.
Louis van Gaal produces a dossier of stats at his media call, after 'long-ball' claims http://t.co/FaEP01PFS1 #mufc pic.twitter.com/YO9UJZfs4o
— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) February 10, 2015
W is for Wine throwing
We’ve all been there. You’re at a match, your team has lost to fierce rivals and you decide to throw wine at the away dugout…
This is what happened during Arsenal’s loss to Manchester United at the Emirates earlier this season, when an Gunners fan hurled red wine at United’s staff.
A more cultured class of hooligan.
W for Wonder Save
Was this the exact moment that convinced Real Madrid to try sign David de Gea? No, probably not, but it was still some save.
X for eXtraordinary feat (If you can think of a better X, we’re all ears)
Three shots, three goals, less than three minutes; Sadio Mane’s record breaking hat-trick is unlikely to be beaten anytime soon. The Southampton winger usurped Robbie Fowler as the holder of the Premier League’s fastest ever hat-trick, which stood for almost 21 years. No matter what else he does, Mane is destined to become the answer to a sports quiz question in the future.
Y for Young gains super powers from pigeon excrement
At the start of the season, the odds on Ashley Young being in the Manchester United team ahead of record signing Angel di Maria were probably as long as pigeon excrement landing in his mouth during a match. Both happened this season.
Z for Zidane trying to poach Premier League players
Let’s face it, this hasn’t been the most exciting Premier League season, so another summer of the division’s top players being poached by Spanish superpowers doesn’t bode well for the league’s general quality. France and Real Madrid legend Zinedine Zidane seemingly has his eyes on the league’s best player Eden Hazard, saying: “Obviously, there is Lionel Messi and Ronaldo, both of whom are spectacular, but I like Eden Hazard more.”
And he also revealed Madrid have their eye on a Liverpool player, “We know who Raheem Sterling is, and of course we are monitoring him as a player.“
Listen Zizou, Madrid have enough top class players. In fact, there are almost as many world class players in Real’s first team as there are in the entire Premier League. Hands off.
