It’s Gameweek 30 and the Premier League teams have proven themselves as dangerous in Europe as an Irish Eurovision entry.
This week we’re going to say “Bienvenue” to Laurent Koscielny but we’ve fallen out of love with Samir Nasri which is ironically the same problem he seems to have with football.
Three players to sign
Laurent Koscielny
Fixture: Newcastle v Arsenal
Price: 6.0m
Selected by: 8.9%
We wanted to get an Arsenal defender in to take advantage of the so-called “meatless bones” of John Carver’s Newcastle side but we couldn’t bring ourselves to put any faith in Per Mertesacker.
So step right up Laurent Koscielny! Arsenal have only conceded one goal in their last three games and Newcastle have scored just the one in their last four.
And with Papiss Cisse suspended, a clean sheet looks to be a pretty likely outcome for Koscielny & Co.
Add to that his aerial threat from set-pieces and we’re all over the Frenchman for this gameweek.
Charlie Austin
Fixture: QPR v Everton
Price: 6.4m
Selected by: 19.7%
Just like Jon Jones, we kicked Charlie to the kerb a few months ago. The decision was purely based on the fixture list rather than any doubt of Austin’s goalscoring talents.
The QPR forward hasn’t scored in the last two gameweeks but if there’s a defence you want to be up against right now, it’s the comedy troupe back four of Everton.
The Toffees shipped five midweek against Dynamo Kiev and looked as reliable as a chocolate fire-guard so, if QPR are to launch any bit of a fight against the drop, you’d fancy the tired legs of Jagielka and Alcaraz to be the ideal opposition.
Christian Eriksen
Fixture: Spurs v Leicester
Price: 8.4m
Selected by: 25.9%
Whether Spurs wilt after last week’s 3-0 defeat to United or get back into the top-four race remains to be seen but we’re going to plump for the latter against a more-than-lacklustre Leicester side.
And Christian Eriksen is arguably the best player in Mauricio Pochettino’s team so we’re banking on big points from the great Dane.
This one’s a bit of an investment for the coming month as Spurs have the easier fixtures on the horizon (Leicester, Burnley, Villa and Newcastle) when compared to that of their top-four rivals.
So if they are to mount a challenge for the Champions League places, there’s no better scenario than a home tie against the Premier League’s bottom side whose manager is more focused on strangling players and calling journalists “pricks” than staving off relegation.
Three players to sell
Samir Nasri
Fixture: Manchester City v West Brom
Price: 8.2m
Selected by: 2.1%
Only a measly 2.1% of you are holding firm with the not-bothered midfielder, irregular starter known as Samir Nasri but we won’t rest until that percentage reaches zero.
If there was ever any proof needed that Nasri is ambivalent to the goings-on on a football field, just re-watch Man City’s display against Barcelona on Wednesday.
Such was his interest in the ball that you’d have sworn it was on fire but no, he just doesn’t seem to give a sh*t and we’ll have none of that in our Fantasy Football dressing room. That attitude is toxic if our players could actually interact and were not just little clicky things on our laptop.
Still, Nasri’s out on his arse and it wouldn’t surprise us at all to see the Baggies stifle the ridiculously expensive attack of City. G’won the Pulis.
Daryl Janmaat
Fixture: Newcastle v Arsenal
Price: 5.4m
Selected by: 10.4%
Newcastle have conceded 10 goals in their last five games which speaks volumes to their defensive frailties.
And John Carver has essentially thrown in the towel now that the Magpies are sitting quite happily in 11th place with nothing to play for.
More than a tenth of Fantasy Football players still have the Dutchman in their team which can also be read as “a tenth of Fantasy Football players have no flipping clue what they’re doing.”
Newcastle lost every one of their last six meetings with Arsenal, conceding 17 goals in the process so anything other than a decisive Gunners victory would come as something of a shock.
Fixture: Aston Villa v Swansea
Price: 6.5m
Selected by: 0.4%
Bafétimbi Gomis has scored twice in the Premier League season and costs 6.5m. Harry Kane has scored sixteen and costs 6.3m. Let that sink in.
Granted, we’re talking to the vast minority of Fantasy Football optimists who are hoping the French forward comes good but it’s just not going to happen so get him out and buy yourself a more clinical striker, like Rickie Lambert.
Swansea travel to Villa Park on Saturday where Sherwoodmania is truly running riot so let’s bank on a 9-0 Villa win on an afternoon in which Gomis’ nightmare season continues.
