Be gone, wretched international break.
The Premier League is back, new signings and all, and we couldn’t be happier.
It’s not just any weekend, mind you. We’ve got the latest instalment in the age-old rivalry between Manchester United and Liverpool, a clash of the top two in Manchester City v Crystal Palace and the John Stones derby when Everton host Chelsea.
We’ve got some sage advice for you on gameweek five, particularly if you’re in the wildcard kind of mood.
Three players to sign
Yaya Toure
Fixture: Crystal Palace v Manchester City
Value: £8.9m
Selected by: 31.7%
This signing isn’t so much of a “beat your rivals” acquisition as much as it is a “don’t let your rivals tear ahead of you” purchase.
Almost 1/3 of you have Yaya Toure in your sides this week and for good reason.
The marauding midfielder has scored in each of his last three appearances against Crystal Palace so he’s clearly got the Eagles sussed.
Toure decided to give Ivory Coast’s African Nations Cup qualifier a miss last week so he’ll be grand and fresh to punish the Palace defence.
GET…ON…HIM.
David De Gea
Fixture: Manchester United v Liverpool
Value: £5.3m
Selected by: 4.3%
He’s back!
Out of nowhere, like a Randy Orton RKO, David De Gea went and signed himself a new four-year contract with Manchester United.
If anyone remembers his display against Liverpool at Old Trafford last season, you’ll be aware of one of the finer goalkeeping performances of the 2014/15 season.
The Spaniard kept a sheet as clean as Wayne Rooney’s dinner plate as he negated all Liverpool attacks in a 3-0 victory for the Red Devils.
Returning from the clutches of a Real Madrid transfer saga, De Gea will want to prove himself to his fans and back up the clean sheet he kept on international duty.
Plus, only 4.3% of players have him so you can get a steal on the others.
Harry Kane
Fixture: Sunderland v Spurs
Value: £9.4m
Selected by: 22.5%
He has to come good.
The Harry Kane hurricane of last season is barely a gust after a month of the new campaign but we’re not losing faith in the young fella.
Realistically, he would have found the net during the last gameweek if not for some Tim Howard heroics in the Everton goal and Kane’s confidence clearly hasn’t been rocked judging by his deft finish against San Marino.
Granted, it was San Marino but Spurs travel to the San Marino of the Premier League this weekend (sorry Sunderland fans) and he can further punish Dick Advocaat’s bottom-of-the-table side.
Three players to sell
Eden Hazard
Fixture: Everton v Chelsea
Value: £11.4m
Selected by: 35%
Big call, we know. Nobody freak out!
We’re well aware that it’s a huge risk taking out last season’s Player of the Year but he’s not really done anything since the first ball was kicked this season.
No goals, one assist and a measly 10 points over the last four gameweeks. Is that worth 11.4m? 35% of you seem to think so which means that there are some people you can jump above if the Belgian’s questionable form continues.
Granted, he scored two great goals on international duty but he played an absolute stinker against Cyprus before popping up for the winner.
Hazard’s confidence will be shot after Belgium coach Marc Wilmots publicly called him out and he’ll be coming up against arguably the best right back in the league in Seamus Coleman.
He could make us look like fools but we think Hazard is dangerously overpriced and we’re getting him out.
Simon Mignolet
Fixture: Manchester United v Liverpool
Value: £5.1m
Selected by: 9.7%
Just when Liverpool’s defence was starting to look solid, they went and Lovren’ed up.
West Ham hadn’t won at Anfield in 52 years when they availed of some defending that was literally unbelievable. We literally didn’t believe it was happening.
Only 2.3% of players are stupid enough to have Dejan Lovren in their team so we’ve opted to make Simon Mignolet the fall guy here.
Wayne Rooney will be buoyed by breaking Bobby Charlton’s England goalscoring record on the international break and, if he doesn’t start then presumably €50million man Anthony Martial will score four goals and set up two on his United debut. It doesn’t look like a clean sheet is on the cards for the Belgian.
Xherdan Shaqiri
Fixture: Arsenal v Stoke
Value: £7m
Selected by: 3.4%
The last time Stoke beat Arsenal at the Emirates was never because the last time Stoke beat Arsenal on the Gunners’ ground came in 1981 at Highbury.
So don’t hold out too much hope of Saturday being the day that Shaqiri seals his first Premier League goal.
The Potters have only breached Arsenal’s defence at the Emirates on three occasions in their seven visits since promotion so we’re predicting a clean sheet for Arsene Wenger’s men while we can’t see Stoke preventing the Gunners from scoring.
That means there’s no real points in Shaqiri this week so there’s no real point in keeping him on.
