International break, get out of our sight.
It’s been a tough few weeks without Premier League football and no longer will we have to get our fix by seeking out the 0-0 classic played out between Hong Kong and China on Tuesday.
It’s time for real football. With real footballers like Carl Jenkinson.
We’ve had more than enough time to think about what changes we’re going to make now that the international nonsense and qualification hullabaloo is out of the way.
Three players to sign
OK, the time has come for Mesut Ozil to go down the road of Jamie Vardy.
No, not shouting racial epithets at Japanese men in casinos.
We mean that we can no longer, in good faith, continue to think that the Arsenal assist-machine will fall out of form.
We were holding out on bringing him into our squads because we anticipated Ozil being found out but, just as Vardy has been repaying our faith by banging in goals for Leicester, the German looks like becoming a stalwart for us and we could well make him captain for the foreseeable future.
The Gunners have a terrific record against West Brom, having won seven of their last nine against the Baggies and scoring 19 in the process.
And Tony Pulis’ defensive magic dust looks to have run out as of late with West Brom conceding five goals in their last two games so we’re banking on Arsenal to score at least two at the Hawthorns.
And the stats would suggest that Mesut Ozil is going to get an assist as he’s set up at least a goal in every game since September 26.
Don’t be fooled. We’re not saying that we’re filled with confidence that Swansea have the defence to stifle all Premier League strikers.
But luckily, Bournemouth don’t really have any Premier League strikers.
The Cherries have failed to find the net in their last three outings and Glenn Murray really isn’t fitting in the Callum Wilson shaped hole up front.
Swansea haven’t so much come off the boil as they have frozen in place but there are too many quality players at the Liberty Stadium for their woes to continue.
Garry Monk’s side haven’t kept a clean sheet since September and we’re very much going along the lines of “one has to come sooner or later” and what better side for that to happen against than a misfiring Bournemouth?
Fortune favours the brave but this is definitely our riskiest pick so far this season however we just see the stars aligning for Connor Wickham at the weekend.
Dwight Gayle is injured so Wickham may be given his first start since August. He came on to good effect against Liverpool in Palace’s 2-1 victory at Anfield two weeks ago. And he’s up against his former club.
How is he not scoring a hat-trick on Monday night?
While the answer to that question is “because he’s Connor Wickham,” we’ve got a strangely good feeling about the striker and are going to take the punt on him as our third striker this week.
Plus, he’s up against Sunderland and football is probably the thing that Sunderland are worst at. They’re literally better at arts and crafts than football.
Three players to sell
There’s a chance that Sergio Aguero could play? That’s enough for us.
In truth, you’d be stupid to trust either goalkeeper when Liverpool travel to the Etihad on Saturday evening because games between these sides have, in recent years, been goalfests.
Both sides have scored in every meeting since January 2012 and City have scored 14 goals in that time.
The table-toppers have also outscored Liverpool twofold this season so the chances of a Simon Mignolet clean sheet are slimmer than Peter Crouch in bikini season.
It breaks our heart, Odion, but your shit-hot name won’t save you from the chop this gameweek.
The Watford striker has been a cheap-as-chips lifesaver for us this season but the time has come to give him a little bit of a break.
Ighalo comes up against the meanest defence in the Premier League in a Manchester United side who have gone full Van Gaal lately.
United haven’t conceded a Premier League goal since early October and they should remain resolute against a Watford side who are very reliant on their Nigerian striker.
You’ll be back, Odion. But fare the well for now.
Chelsea may value him at about €130 million but John Stones’ reputation, for us, has been sinking like, well, a stone.
The Everton centre-half admirably wants to play football every time he has the ball at his feet but the Toffees have been caught out too often by that style of play.
Everton have kept just three clean sheets all season and will struggle to do so against a rejuvenated Aston Villa at the weekend.
Stones isn’t exactly a goalscoring threat either so if he’s not bringing home points defensively or offensively, we’re really not too keen in keeping him around.
Plus, Phil Jagielka is out for the game against Villa so Stones is expected to struggle even more to deal with the powerhouse known as Rudy Gestede… if he plays.
If it’s Jordan Ayew, Everton will be grand.
