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Football

12th Jul 2018

England tried to pull a fast one against Croatia that wasn’t fooling anyone

This was never going to work

Ben Kiely

Panama tried to pull the same shit on England to no avail.

Remember back in the group stages when England annihilated World Cup minnows Panama 6-1? After a lacklustre showing against Tunisia in their tournament opener, this was the result that kicked the delusion into overdrive.

After one of Harry Kane’s two converted penalties in the game, the World Cup debutants attempted to fire back immediately. While the England players were still celebrating, one Panamanian player chanced his arm. The man whose name everyone has forgotten picked the ball out of the net and sprinted towards the centre-circle. He proceeded to kick-off, in the hope of catching the opposition out.

Obviously, this move is illegal and the referee pulled it back. Panama had to wait for England and the man in the middle to get ready for the restart. England put on a demolition sparking the 2018 ‘football’s coming home’ phenomenon. Of course, the prospect of football ‘coming home’ was revealed to be a fallacy once England met a quality side that was able to field all their star players. Even if the Croatians were bolloxed from two back-to-back penalty shootouts in the knockout stages, they still had enough left in the gas tank to reduce the Three Lions’ roars to a timid whimper.

England

Football’s coming… back to the halfway line

Remarkably, England tried the exact same bolloxology against Croatia.

Immediately after Mario Mandzukic scored that decisive goal in extra time, the Croatians celebrated as if they had just reached the World cup final! While the eventual victors were letting it all out, Marcus Rashford and Jesse Lingard had one final trick up their sleeve.

England

Rashford played a short one to Lingard who knocked it forward into space.

The Manchester United duo took off towards the Croatian goal.

England

Rashford almost made it into the box before the man in the middle noticed what was happening.

The referee blew his whistle sharply and they had to retake the kick-off.

 

England

Then football refused to come home.

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