Not sure he ever went away, but Cristiano Ronaldo is back!
That goal in Real Madrid’s 2-0 Champions League win over Roma was exactly what the Portuguese superstar needed to quieten all that talk about Lionel Messi and that penalty.
Fair enough, Messi rattled in La Liga goals number 300 and 301 hours earlier, but Ronaldo shone on the biggest of stages, which is what he needed to do.
Never mind the deflection, it was a gorgeous goal. Not least because it featured Ronaldo’s favourite move.
Ronaldo's amazing goal😍👀 #ronaldo #cr7 #realmadrid #Asroma #ucl https://t.co/C81TOzNPxq
— LiveSoccer App (@LiveSoccerApp) February 18, 2016
He had been warming up for it against Athletic Bilbao at the weekend.
Ronaldo's goal today against Athletic Bilbao
🌟Favorite my account🌟#ThisIsPAW… (Vine by Footy Untamed™|PAW|) https://t.co/WTWf68fmim— Soccer Plays (@ScKakashi) February 13, 2016
The goal at the weekend featured a delightful backheel but in Rome he pulled out what has surely become his signature move, something we like to call the atomic backheel.
You shouldn’t be able to connect so violently with a ball and maintain control but Ronaldo achieves a bizarre level of back spin, which almost sees the ball come back to him. It looks simple but is devastatingly effective.
He added a flourish against Espanyol last month, but his high velocity, controlled back heel is still key to that goal. Like all the best tricks (and skills, as Johnny Giles would say) it looks painfully easy. But that’s only because it’s being performed by arguably the most supreme football athlete of modern times. Try it at five-a-side this week.
Astro Reaction: “Will you ever shoot and stop back-heeling the ball towards our keeper! Are you wearing fake tan?”
Regardless, it’s a thing of beauty but how does it compare to the preferred tricks of other members of the football firmament?
The Cruyff Turn
You know you’ve done something right when they put your name on it. This eponymous move, like its creator, is almost understated in its gracefulness. The change of direction, the sleight of feet, the sheer effectiveness of this 42-year-old trick is glorious.
One moment Johan Cruyff has Swedish full-back Jan Olsson looking for a piggy-back, then a slight drop of the shoulder, an impeccable dummy and simultaneous drag-back leaves the Swede kicking at fresh air. Magnificent, if dated.
Astro Reaction: “Man, what’s with the sideburns?”
Zinedine Zidane’s 360 drag back
Elegant yet powerful, Zinedine Zidane alone had the balance, upper body strength and awareness to repeatedly pull this on world class opponents. From a standing start or at pace, this always had the same effect – the defender was sent hurtling past as the French wizard carried on in the same direction after a brief, thrilling spin.
Astro Reaction: “Quit standing on the ball, if you burst it you’re paying for it.”
George Best and the irresistible dummy
Okay, this clip is from the old North American Soccer League when the Belfast Boy was taking the mick with the San Jose Earthquakes but it is just the distillation of what he did his entire career.
You know he is going to dummy the ball, he’s done it countless times already but he sells it to you every time. Is it that smile? Those twinkling eyes? His accent? You know he is not shooting, yet you can’t stop yourself throwing your body in the way of a shot that is never coming.
Astro Reaction: “Why are you grinning like that? Stop pretending to kick the ball, you look like you’re dancing the Charleston.”
Lionel Messi’s ball of glue
It’s not a very awe-inspiring title for the signature move of the world’s greatest footballer but Leo Messo doesn’t really do “tricks”, he just weaves between defenders with his subterranean centre of gravity while the ball remains stuck to his toe.
His finishing is audacious, his range of passing is mind-blowing but his ability to beat defenders relies on the mundanely fabulous ability to move at pace, maintain his balance and retain complete control of the ball.
Astro Reaction: “Dribble straight into the opposition once more and I’m force feeding you these rubber pellets.”
Luis Suarez and the filthy nutmeg
No footballer embraces the dark side of the sport more wholeheartedly than the front-runner for next year’s Ballon D’Or. Marginally more acceptable than casual racism and biting is the Uruguayan’s beloved nutmeg. Demeaning of opponents and delightfully effective, there is little more satisfying than a nutmeg and Suarez is the king.
Astro Reaction: “You’re dead, you prick.”
Neymar wears a Sombrero
Ever since he was a wee whipper snapper inciting riots in Brazil, Neymar has adored flipping the ball over a defender’s head, it’s as if gravity and grass bore him.
#Neymar's Amazing Skill v Celta! 😻
Follow For More! 💪#FootyEditzHD (Vine by Footy Editz HD) https://t.co/a92iJVNVaa
— TENGEN (@abdulelmoujahid) February 17, 2016
While the level of skill required is high, the chutzpah required is in the stratosphere. Before Neymar you could count on one hand the number of times you had seen a sombrero attempted in a top-level European game but, as part of his mission to see football played entirely via Vines, Neymar is making the demeaning practice common place.
God bless his little cotton socks.
Astro Reaction: “Never gonna happen, give up you big-headed prick.”
Ronaldinho’s Elastico
If it wasn’t already perfectly named, this leg-bending little number could be rechristened “The Ronaldinho”. It’s the Cruyff turn rebooted for the FIFA-playing generation and will forever be associated with the mesmerising Brazilian. Like Cruyff’s masterpiece it relies on a sleight of foot that is faster than the defender’s eye.
Riyad Mahrez pulled one off recently but most footballers, even professional footballers, do not have the fast-twitch muscles to flick the ball one way and then the other in the blink of an eye.
That said, we all have a friend who wasted hours of their teenage years trying to make their legs bend like Ronaldinho’s.
Astro Reaction: “I’m not driving you to A&E again.”
