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Football

20th Sep 2016

Analysing precisely what’s going on in this picture of miserable Manchester United players

A sombre scene

Simon Lloyd

Here are a group of Manchester United players waiting for their train back to Manchester on Sunday.

It has not been a good day. Jose Mourinho’s men have been beaten 3-1 at Watford and, as they wait for their Virgin Pendolino to whisk them back up north, the sort of questions you’d expect to be asked are being asked by fans and media alike.

Is Paul Pogba worth £89m? Is Marouane Fellaini a midfielder? Does Wayne Rooney still have the ability to pass a football accurately over a distance of more than three yards? Is it worth alighting at Watford Junction for the Warner Bros Studio Tour?

That sort of thing.

For no good reason at all, we’ve decided to examine this sombre scene more closely, analysing precisely what’s going on with each individual… apart from that man having a chat with Juan Mata.

Marcos Rojo

This is not a day for smiles, Marcos. Let’s be perfectly clear about that. Yet, despite everything that’s just unfolded at Vicarage Road, this low resolution picture appears to show a hint of a grin on your pixelated, Argentinian face.

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Is this the look of a man who appreciates the irony of a possible recall to the starting XI because the guy ahead of him in the team didn’t mark someone properly? Or is this the look of a man who knows full well he’s destined to be completing a £7.3m move to Valencia next summer if not sooner? Time will tell.

Juan Mata

Even after another disappointing cameo from the bench, Juan Mata still manages to win over Manchester United supporters by being such a bloody lovely bloke. Presumably, the silver-haired gentleman pictured speaking to Mata in the picture is not a member of Manchester United staff, meaning the Spaniard has somehow broken away from gathering his thoughts for his latest blog entry in order to speak to a normal human being.

We wouldn’t put it past Juan to have instigated the conversation, either.

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What a man.

Ashley Young

On a personal level, today has been particularly frustrating for Ashley Young. Not only has he suffered defeat against his former club, he’s also watched Wayne Rooney steal his reputation as being the most likely Manchester United player to drastically overhit a set piece or cross. On top of that, he’s singled out by his manager for praise… because he has a positive attitude. *Nothing* to do with his footballing ability.

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Embarrassed, he plugs in his earphones and sticks on a bit of Simply Red.

Wayne Rooney

Not for the first time on this day, here is Wayne Rooney, standing in the middle staring into space while everything else appears to be going on around him. Casually leaning against an item of luggage, the distant look in his eyes suggests his mind is on other things… probably what he’s having for his tea when he gets to Wing’s Restaurant later on.

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Morgan Schneiderlin

Little over a year ago, United fans excitedly crowed about their new ‘Schmidfield’ pairing. Now though, things have changed. While the other half of Schmidfield permanently rests his weary, disintegrating joints in a dark corner of United’s AON Training complex, Schneiderlin stares at his feet pondering how much more action they’d have seen if he’d joined Everton in the summer.

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Ander Herrera

Adopting a pose straight from the menswear section of one your mum’s old Next catalogues, Ander Herrara also contemplates what the future holds for himself at United. The Spaniard is a rarity at United – a midfielder that can a) pass a football accurately, and b) run around a lot.

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Unfortunately for him, Marouane Fellaini appears to be a better option for his boss.

Sergio Romero

Staring at his phone in the same way that his manager stares at a left-back caught 25 metres from where he should be, United’s deputy goalkeeper stands precisely where many the club’s supporters would want him to stand – on the periphery and behind David De Gea.

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