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Football

18th Apr 2015

17 stages of being a Premier League manager portrayed by Tim Sherwood and Brendan Rodgers

Watch and learn

Conan Doherty

1. Be alive

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Check for a pulse. Being alive is the first requisite of any Premier League manager.

2. Be prepared

Don’t get caught picking your nose.

3. Be stripping

Don’t be afraid to show emotion by ripping your coat off and throwing it to the turf. This is always a safer bet when you have the exact same coat underneath.

4. Know your celebration

Practice it. Perfect it. If the one-arm Hitler salute is for you, well and good.

5. But know when to use it

We only celebrate when we score.

6. Know where to use it

If you need to make room before you start your celebration, then do so. Remember, make sure the fans can see you.

7. Know what this means

And know it’s not good.

8. Bamboozle your audience

Liverpool v Leicester City - Premier League

Don’t be afraid to show off your encyclopedia of bullshit.

9. But don’t complicate things

Tottenham Hotspur v Aston Villa - Premier League

The objective is simple after all.

10. Respect tradition

If you’ve seen others do this before, then you should do it, too.

11. But have set limits

Wish you weren’t so friendly now.

12. Be gracious

Celebrating at old club shocker.

13. Be a sore loser

Because you don’t want this to happen to you.

14. Have confidence in yourself

Stats are important. They are all that matter.

15. Remember the world is watching

So if you’re getting carried away with yourself when you were always trying to go for the cool, calculated persona, quickly get control of the situation again.

16. Have a laugh

The longer it goes on, the more likely you might get out of answering the question.

17. The golden rule

Just be one of the lads.

The FootballJOE quiz: Were you paying attention? – episode 10