No-one fails in football, everyone finds a level.
Sometimes though, people should just accept that level and stop sucking the life out of Sunday League clashes as if they were the be all and end all.
There’s some nonsense spouted on football fields all over the island every Sunday morning and it’s usually derived out of panic and showmanship. Mostly though, it’s just usually tough to listen to.
Here’s our list of the shouts we hear every week.
1. “Not there!”
Defenders simply must not take a touch of a ball under any circumstance. There’s a time and a place to control a football and it is certainly not in the back line.
2. “Get rid of it!”
There’s only one man on the team who’s supposed to do anything and try anything. If you’re not him, don’t be getting carried away with yourself thinking you’re allowed to play ball too.
3. “If in doubt, put it out.”
Sunday League managers really do not trust defenders.
4. “Good ball.”
Generally when any old rubbish over-the-top clearance lets a forward chase down three defenders.
5. “It’s still 0-0.”
A mental frame of mind to stop a team taking their foot off the gas when they take the lead. This was actually shouted one time in Derry when a team scored… to make it 1-1.
6. “Lads, we haven’t started.”
This is particularly irritating when it is yelled 59 minutes into a game.
7. “Get out! Get the f*** out!”
When a set piece is cleared, the ‘keeper will go absolutely bananas screaming for his team to push back out and he will do it every single time. Even if a one-on-one has opened up at the other end, the goalie knows it’s his job to get the offside line back in tact and even the shiest of number ones come to life to shoo their team mates away from the box.
8. “We’re too f***ing quiet.”
Generic silence breaker. Usually the guy doing nothing shouts this at random intervals. He doesn’t know what he wants people to say and he has nothing to say either, other than this useless observation. Of course, when the team are all shouting and bitching at each other it turns to, “we need to keep our heads, lads.”
9. “On his boot.”
Any shot that manages to cross the goalkeeper’s byline is a criminal offence. They can all be avoided by keeping an eye on the opposition’s feet all day.
10. “That doesn’t f***ing happen again.”
The young lad with a step-over up his sleeve is in trouble now. He’s just made a mug of the full back and now he has 11 target dots on his shins. He won’t be allowed to f***ing showboat like that again the next time he has the ball.
