2 minutes, 15 questions: The full transcript of Monty Panesar on Mastermind

Conan Doherty

Mastermind is often far from elementary and, as Chris Tarrant used to say about general knowledge, it’s only easy if you know the answer.

But Monty Panesar’s performance on one of the most classic British television shows left many as gobsmacked as he is at questions about A.A. Milne.

It’s easy to get into a bad run and lose confidence when you’re not only having question after question peppered at you in the space of a frantic two minutes, but they’re wordy, they’re giving out extra bits of info which can throw you if you slip in concentration and, on top of all that, you’re being broadcast by lights and cameras for everyone to see.

So, the English cricket legend started off well. One of two sport questions he was given, he nailed it. But that was his lot as the 14 questions that followed were met with passes or wrong answers and his efforts went from bad to worse as John Humphrys’ voice just became a bit of a blur under time pressure.

Yet again, Panesar was on hand to raise money for charity in his appearance on Celebrity Mastermind and, whilst the gratitude will always be there for his work in that field, it might take him a bit of time to live down some of his answers.

One tip: if you’re given a choice of the four seasons of the year, Spring to Winter, don’t choose Oliver Twist.

1.

JH: How many pockets are there on a full-sized snooker table?

MP: Six.

2.

JH: Which sign of the zodiac is represented by a crab?

MP: Sagittar- Scorpion.

JH: Cancer.

3.

JH: What is the title of A.A. Milne’s stage adaptation of Kenneth Grahame’s children’s novel, The Wind in the Willow?

MP: Harry Potter.

JH: Toad of Toad Hall.

4.

JH: Henry VIII had three wives called Catherine, two called Anne and another who died shortly after she gave birth to the future Edward VI. What was her name?

MP: Elizabeth.

JH: Jane.

5.

JH: What is the standard international unit of absolute temperature? It is indicated by the letter K.

MP: Oh gosh… pass.

(Kelvin)

6.

JH: Which Asian island city state is served by Changi International Airport.

MP: Shanghai.

JH: Singapore.

7.

JH: Birds described as ‘pelagic’ spend most of their lives flying over what?

MP: The sky.

JH: The sea.

8.

JH: In what ’97 film do a group of unemployed men in Sheffield become strippers for a night in their local Working Men’s Club?

MP: The Dream Boys.

JH: The Full Monty.

9.

JH: In which city is the Olympiastadion, built for the 1972 Olympics and where Germany’s national football team played international matches until 2001?

MP: Oh gosh, Athens?

JH: Munich.